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<i>Tuesdays With Morrie</i> Author Takes on <i>Fifty Shades</i>

Fromtoto the vibrator comedy, female sexuality is taking over popular culture -- and Albom ain't having any of it.
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"It's official. I've become a prude." -- Mitch Albom in the Detroit Free Press

Thus begins Albom's tirade against what he sees as a flood of "racy" novels, movies, and television shows. From Fifty Shades of Grey to Girls to the vibrator comedy Hysteria, female sexuality is taking over popular culture -- and Albom ain't having any of it. "Women are loving it," he says derisively.

"When it comes to sex, what once was hidden is broadly in the open. What once you didn't talk about, now you can read in a movie review," he writes. Yes, Mr. Albom: women are finally talking about their sexual fantasies with the same frankness that, well, men have talked about theirs for years. How awful.

Albom quotes a movie reviewer who used the word "penis" in a newspaper. "I want a little less p-word, a little less v-word," Albom writes, unable to bring himself to even type out the word "vagina."

It should come as no surprise that Albom hails from Michigan, where Republican lawmakers recently censored a Democratic State representative who dared to utter the word "vagina" during debate over an anti-abortion bill.

Still, it's shocking to be that a 54 year-old man can't bring himself to use medical terms for reproductive organs. "I have a feeling I am not the only one [who's a prude]," he concludes. Unfortunately, on this point I suspect he's right.

Ever since Andy Rooney passed away, Albom seems to have been on a quest to take his spot as the oldest, most out-of-touch man in America with newspaper column rants on such newfangled things as Siri.

"Using voice recognition software [...] is not the same as a lover whispering into your ear," he wrote several weeks ago. Again, I have to admit that Albom is right: how could technology ever replace your partner whispering sweet nothings such as, "Your p-word feels so good in my v-word"?