Fit To Be Fried, Romney Style

We think that if Mitt wants to be president, he needs to apologize to something like -- hmmm -- 47 percent of the country.
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Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney speaks at a fundraiser at the Grand Del Mar Court resort September 22, 2012 in San Diego, California. AFP PHOTO/Mandel NGAN (Photo credit should read MANDEL NGAN/AFP/GettyImages)
Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney speaks at a fundraiser at the Grand Del Mar Court resort September 22, 2012 in San Diego, California. AFP PHOTO/Mandel NGAN (Photo credit should read MANDEL NGAN/AFP/GettyImages)

Fit To Be Fried, Romney Style

Finally, Mitt Romney stumbled upon a way to relate to millions of Americans: He won't have a job come January.

At least, that's what a lot of pundits are saying after that now-famous video surfaced of Mittens speaking at a closed fundraiser for a handful of big money donors last May. His insulting joke implying minorities having it easier in this country and his accusation that almost half of all Americans are freeloaders demonstrated that he doesn't belong in the presidential race, and maybe doesn't belong in the human race.

What we found most shocking of all is that those "freeloaders" Mitt disparages -- the ones he says are "dependent upon government, who believe that they are victims, who believe the government has a responsibility to care for them" and will never vote for him, actually comprise his base!

As the neoconservative columnist William Kristol helpfully pointed out in the Weekly Standard, "a good chunk of the 47 percent who don't pay income taxes are Romney supporters." Such as the dedicated red state of Mississippi -- which, according to the Tax Foundation, has the highest percentage of "freeloaders" who pay no federal tax.

We think that if Mitt wants to be president, he needs to apologize to something like -- hmmm -- 47 percent of the country. But wait! An apology did come out! And it was from the host of the notorious event. In his apology, he told Romney how sorry he was about the video and assured the world that the leak can all be blamed on the help!

But that might not be the kind of apology people wanted to hear.

Mitt has one card up his sleeve: he can change positions faster than a yoga instructor on cocaine. And he has to play that card -- and play it soon -- and make a lot of people like him real fast, however insurmountable that task may be.

How? With new polls showing Obama's approval rating now over 50 percent, we bet Romney's going to try to be more like the president!

Why not? He's tried just about everything else. He needs to be popular. His opponent is more popular than he is. And we know Mitt's proven himself to be a craven opportunist. Go for it!

But, when he does, it's probably not going to be pretty. This is Mitt Romney we're talking about. So place your bets: When Gov. Etch a Sketch inevitably copies a few pages from Obama's playbook in a last-ditch attempt at winning, what's it going to look like?

Meanwhile, everybody's asking why the GOP wants to bring us back to the 1950s. We've got some answers! Check out this episode from the GOP Time Machine Series!

ENERGY CONSERVATION!

Starring Ron and Nancy Reagan

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