Mitt Romney Tells GOP Leaders He 'Can't Go Back To That Life'

"Life on the run? Under constant surveillance? Not knowing where you'll sleep from one day to the next?"

Given the current undesired field of Republican presidential candidates, GOP leaders are rumored to be pushing Mitt Romney to run for president once again.

"I left that life a long time ago," said Romney, sitting at a booth in the back of a mostly empty diner, taking a break from his cook job and sipping his coffee anxiously. "I've got a good thing going here."

He rolled up his sleeves revealing a length of worn tattoos. His hands were rough and calloused from what probably seemed like a lifetime of hand shakes.

"There are people after me, looking for me," said Romney. "You don't think I know that? I have a life here -- I HAVE A FAMILY HERE!" 

Romney composed himself with a deep inhale.

"I can't leave them. Not again," he said as if reminding himself. "And you know, for what? Life on the run? Sleeping in a different bed every night? No thanks."

He stared out the window and traced the top of the coffee cup with his finger. The sight of a mother and her child coming into view startled him.

"I still have that urge to pick up strangers babies and kiss them," he said. "It's just not something you get out of your head very easily."

"Mitt, got an order," yells his manager from the back.

"Well, better get back to it," he said. "Thanks for the coffee."


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