Montezuma's Revenge

Critics beware. Donald Trump has uncovered a diabolical and dastardly plot against the United States. Mr. Trump loves Mexicans. He employs thousands of them in his casinos and hotels, in positions of authority at very high wages. And Mexicans love him. That said, as an astute student of history, Trump knows that Mexicans have never forgiven American Anglos for annexing Texas, defeating them in the Mexican War, and seizing millions of acres of land in the American Southwest. In launching his campaign, he reminded voters that Mexican authorities have been sending murderers and rapists (along with some nice people) across the border for decades. This spring, however, Mr. Trump got wind of a far more insidious and stealthy scheme (dubbed Montezuma's Revenge).

In the 1940s and 50's, Mexico began to plant sleeper cells in the United States. Immigrants were told to enter the country legally or illegally, get jobs, work hard, obey the law, lull the Anglos into a sense of complacency about their loyalty to the United States, have lots of kids, vote Democratic - and make sure that their children and grandchildren wormed their way into positions of power so that they could strike against the Great Satan when opportunities presented themselves.

Gonzalo Curiel is, of course, Trump's Exhibit A. The son of Salvador and Francisco Curiel, who emigrated from Mascota, Mexico, Gonzalo, the youngest of four children, was born in East Chicago, Indiana, in 1953. Educated at Indiana University and the Indiana University School of Law, Mr. Curiel served as an Assistant U.S. District Attorney in California and Chief of the Narcotics Bureau, where he burnished his credentials as an American patriot by prosecuting members of Mexican drug cartels. In 2006, Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger, a Republican, appointed him to the San Diego County Court. In 2012, following a voice vote in the U.S. Senate, Curiel became Judge of the U.S. District Court of the Southern District. Opportunity knocked for him when he was assigned a class action suit alleging that Trump University was a fraudulent endeavor. Although Curiel has postponed court proceedings until after the election, can there be any doubt that he aims to take down the only person capable of making America great again?

Next week, Mr. Trump will reveal Exhibit B. He will announce that Alberto Gonzalez is also an agent of the Mexican government. Born in San Antonio, Texas in 1955, Alberto was the second of eight children of Maria Rodriguez and Pablo Gonzalez, a migrant worker. He served in the Air Force, received a BA from Rice University, a JD from Harvard, and eventually became a judge on the Texas Supreme Court. As Attorney General of the United States under President George W. Bush, Trump will remind his fellow Americans in a speech delivered from a teleprompter, Gonzalez supported "enhanced interrogation techniques" (aka torture), bringing condemnation of the United States - just as his handlers had planned.

During the Democratic Convention, Mr. Trump will deliver the knockout blow. In a speech delivered from a teleprompter, he will present DNA evidence of Mrs. Clinton's English descent. Foes of American independence, the Brits, who fought us in 1812 and burned Washington, D.C. to the ground, he will demonstrate, also want to prevent America from becoming great again. After all, some English politicians have threatened to bar Mr. Trump from visiting their country. Mr. Trump will demand that lying Hillary, a foreign agent, should be disqualified from running for president of the United States.

Perhaps, then, Americans will realize that Donald Trump is not prejudiced. He is, thank God (on whom he preys), addicted to the truth.