I am a sex worker and a nude model. I post nude pictures of myself and sell masturbation videos for a subscription fee on my OnlyFans website. My journey in this industry began in my teenage years admiring models like Jenny McCarthy. I knew that guys found me attractive, and I was proud of the way I looked. I liked my body and was not shy about showing it off in skimpy clothes when the weather was warm. I got a lot of attention. I decided to pursue sex work after high school, but my plan to enter the industry was cut short when I married young and had my first child at 19. My priority was being a mom, and it’s still my priority today.
When I was 31, my husband became sick with an illness that eventually took his life. Caring for my husband and the stress, anxiety and intense grief that I experienced took a toll on my health and my looks. I eventually pulled myself together, quit my full-time at job as a recruiter and started nude modeling.
My first experience in the adult industry was when I made a video of myself masturbating and posted it on a popular porn site. I gained a following on social media when I began posting photos of myself in scanty clothing on sites like Instagram. I began to funnel traffic from my social media and the porn site to my OnlyFans page, which I control and run.
It was scary quitting my very lucrative job to do this sex work full time. I have a family to support, and I knew I couldn’t fail. Though I felt comfortable and even excited showing off my body, I was worried about jumping into this world with no safety net. Fortunately, I’ve been incredibly successful in my sex work career, and it’s a dream come true to get up every day and be paid to do something I truly enjoy.
A widowed mom becoming a sex worker is somewhat of a unique story, but my story is even more unusual because I am an active member of the Mormon Church. Life as a Mormon means keeping the commandments and upholding the promises that are made at baptism. This includes “choosing the right” when making decisions and living a “pure life.”
Members are taught that the body is a temple, so we don’t drink coffee or alcohol, and pornography is not allowed. Members are expected to dress modestly. We are expected to conduct ourselves in a manner that doesn’t go against the church’s teachings, especially when in public. We’re supposed be an example for other members and others in society.
Being a Mormon goes beyond attending Sunday services. The Mormon Church is a tight-knit organization, and regular check-ins with the bishop, participating in church activities, receiving visits from other members and acting as missionaries are all parts of the effort to support us and help keep us on the straight and narrow. We are encouraged to read the Scriptures daily and visit the Mormon temple.
As you might imagine, my content is anything but modest. I’m posting nude full-frontal photos and masturbation videos. My website is a sexy blog showing some of the parts of my everyday life ― including cooking and cleaning. I take these photos throughout my house while the kids are at school.
Because I embraced my sexuality from an early age, I have always felt like I was out of place with my conservative Mormon friends. As a teenager, I was sexually active and daydreamed of modeling for Playboy. I never felt like I was the problem. I thought everyone else in my community just needed to catch up with the times. I believe in God, Jesus Christ and the plan of salvation. I believe that God wants us to be proud of our bodies and comfortable with sexuality. I believe that church leaders have decided this is wrong ― not God ― and I do not believe I need to choose between doing something I love and continuing as a member of the Mormon Church.
“I am coming out to my community as a sex worker, and I will continue attending the church with my head held high. I want other women and men to know that it’s OK to explore their sexuality without shame. We shouldn’t have to hide our true selves or what we desire because we fear we’ll be disowned by the people or community we love.”
Still, while I don’t worry or care about people looking down on me for my work, I do fear excommunication from the church. I love attending church, and my kids love going with me. I do not want to give that up ― especially because I don’t think I’m doing anything wrong. I have had no formal pushback from the church yet because my career as a sex worker was still a secret. A couple of friends who are Mormons have warned me that if this story receives national attention, the public affairs department of the church will see it and likely refer my activity to the local church leadership and I may face excommunication.
I obviously do not want that. But, because I love my work and I love my church, I have decided to go public and talk about the intertwining of my two very different identities. I am coming out to my community as a sex worker, and I will continue attending the church with my head held high. I want other women and men to know that it’s OK to explore their sexuality without shame. We shouldn’t have to hide our true selves or what we desire because we fear we’ll be disowned by the people or community we love.
Of course, I could leave the Mormon Church and find another religion or denomination that might be more welcoming to me, but I love being Mormon. It’s what I have known for many years. It’s what my kids know and have been raised as.
I know that once people learn about my life as a sex worker there will be whispers about me. I know that because I represent something that is forbidden by the church, it will challenge others limits and understanding of what faith and acceptance mean. I’m OK with all of that, especially if it means we can start a conversation within the church about who belongs and who doesn’t belong. I believe that conversation is long overdue.
I know there are other church members who would like to explore their sexuality in a similar way as me, and I’m hoping I can be a role model for them and help pave the way for them, whether that means learning more about pleasure and their own desires or actually entering the industry. It’s a sometimes cutthroat business, but if you’re good at what you do and you work hard, you can support yourself and your family. And you can do all of it while being a good, God-loving person.
Holly Jane is an OnlyFans and online Playboy Centerfold model, a widowed mom of four and an active member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. The Oregon native has taken on a public role to speak out on behalf of choosing her devout faith while expressing her sexual freedom as a multifaceted individual. She is intent on supporting others who want to live openly while still adhering to the basic tenets of their religious beliefs. You can find more from her on Instagram.