Imagine my surprise when I answered my phone the other day and there was a moron on the other end of the line.
I know that’s not a politically correct term, but I am just going with what he told me. There was a certain bullish pride in the man’s tone as he said he was a moron and that he needed my help. My curiosity was piqued. It’s not every day a moron calls and asks for a favor.
“What can I do for you?”
“We’re going to sue Rex Tillerson.”
“You’re going to sue the Secretary of State?”
At that point, the self-proclaimed moron broke down in tears. “I have to. He slandered me and every other moron in the nation.” At that point, he started crying. “It’s tough enough being a moron in this society. Now everyone thinks Donald Trump is one of us.”
I can see that might ruin a moron’s good reputation.
“I understand how Rex Tillerson might make that comparison,” I said and for a long moment there was nothing but silence on the other end of the line.
Finally, he spoke, “That hurts. That really hurts. I don’t know of any self-respecting moron that would have insulted Kim Jong Un and had us close to nuclear war.”
He had me there.
“And there’s not a moron in my neck of the woods who would have appointed Betsy DeVos as Secretary of Education.”
“You sure don’t sound like any moron I’ve ever met,” I said.
“Oh, I’m a moron all right. I voted for Trump.”
There was no way I was going to respond to that comment, so I asked, “What can I do to help?”
“Tell the world about us, Randy. Tell everyone how unfair it is to compare Donald Trump to morons.”
I was touched by his story. “I will do it,” I said. “I will tell the world. What do you want me to say?”
Before he could tell me, I could hear loud voices speaking in profane language in the background.
“What is it,” I asked. “What’s happening?”
“It’s trouble,” he said. “They know. They just found out and they’re ready to go after Rex Tillerson.”
“Who’s ready to go after Rex Tillerson?”
“Don’t you know the effing morons when you hear them?”