Alzheimer's -- My Mom I Love Her So
Mom & Me 2015
One evening, several weeks ago, I received a call from the nursing home where my mom has lived for the past three years. One can imagine the uncertainty I felt when I answered the phone.
Immediately the nurse said "everything's okay I just need to tell you that your mom was unresponsive today." As I heard the word "unresponsive" my heart sank. I asked many questions as she proceeded to explain what had transpired.
My husband said as he looked at me that I appeared to have lost all the color in my face. His first thought was that mom had passed away until he heard me repeating what the nurse was saying.
I did not sleep soundly that night fearful that I would get a call that mom had passed away. The next morning my brother rushed to the nursing home where tests were already being performed.
Mom's unresponsiveness only lasted for a few moments, yet it was something that was new and felt quite scary. The blood results found that mom (93 years in August), in several ways, scored like a 40-year-old. Her constitution is amazing, she is on no medication and, except for Alzheimer's and macular degeneration and she is the picture of health.
The next day I booked a plane to go and see her. Before leaving I called several times each day to make sure that she was doing okay. Each time I was told that she was running around in her Merry Walker. Mom bounced back rather quickly and I was happy that I was going to see her, even if it was just for three days.
After returning home my body felt stressed and my heart ached as if I was going through withdrawal. I missed seeing her and could not stop thinking about her. Again I kept phoning the nursing home to see how she was doing. Mom was doing fine, it was me who needed to "mend."
I kept thinking is she looking for me? Does she wonder where I am? Is she missing holding my hand, singing songs, or our silly conversations? Does she yearn to see me like a teenage girl, or am I in this all by myself? Is my heart hurting alone or can she also feel the pain?
I write as if she is my lover. No, she's my mother yet I love her in so many similar ways. I know the answers to all these questions for the second I am no longer in her sight, she does not know that I was even there. In fact, when I am with her, she does not always know that I am her daughter.
None of this matters for in my heart and I deeply believe that in hers, we share a bond that only a mother and daughter could feel.