Is it me or does motherhood make you all emotional?
Yesterday I left Kitana for an hour and when I was leaving... all I heard was a loud cry screaming: "Mommmmmmy"! I couldn't look back... I said: "Mommy is coming soon" and left.
The reason I couldn't look back is because I felt like if I did, I would stay at home... or end up crying with her. Before becoming a mother, I always thought it would be easy to leave your child and go but now I understand how difficult it is. You actually feel guilty for making your child cry so much even though at times you have no choice. I know it's always best to say goodbye to them before you leave but 98 percent of the time for me it ends with tears.
When Kitana is sick, I feel sick too. When she falls, I feel the pain. When she smiles, I smile too.
Motherhood is a beautiful bond that will never be replaced, the emotions a mother feels because of a child is uncontrollable.
"Words cannot do justice to motherhood; to the trials and tribulations, the joy and heart expansion that comes with it. Motherhood is a part of life that needs to be experienced in order to be fully understood, and even then, it is difficult to fully realize the breadth of this gift." -- Cat O'Connor
Photo Credit: www.mindbodygreen.com
Every minute I'm away from her, I feel like I'm a bad mom. Is it because I'm a stay at home mom and she's so attached to me? Or is it because I can't let go off her?
I've started to realize being at home makes a child clingy. I spend most of my day with her so if I'm missing for a minute, she's searching for me. Sometimes it becomes overwhelming, I feel like I need some space and wish I could lock the bathroom door but when I do get it that few minutes to myself, I'm busy thinking about her. Is it because she's my first child? Could it be because I'm still breastfeeding? Weaning isn't wonderful or easy, it's my biggest roller coaster of emotions at the moment. I'm stuck in a situation that I'm not sure how to solve and I'm feeling it emotionally. No one around me understands, everyone says you can stop if you really want to... Yes I want to, but how do I leave my child for three days and go? (Paed prescribed that). To me it's torture.
Motherhood is an overload of emotions. We always have mixed feelings and are never satisfied with one. Sometimes I'm happy and angry. I never thought that was possible until I started having sleepless nights. I'm pleased to hear my daughter call me "mom" early in the morning but I'm angry that she didn't let me sleep last night.
One second you're up and next you're down, most of the time I have no idea what I am doing! Sometimes I'm too exhausted to care and other times I feel like I'm super mom who can go on for 24 hours straight. I've learnt to live in the moment, figure things out as time goes by. Each day is different and there's more good days than bad. I'm the only person that can solve the problem and I need to deal with it my way!
Every time I hear Kitana saying mommy, my heart melts...
We have so many emotions but the feeling of pure love can't be beaten.