Super moms. We’ve all heard of them, some of us had friends with super moms and other were raised by them. I grew up with a super mom.
My mom had a full time job as a university professor, always made home cooked meals with dessert included, had a spotless house and she never turned us away because she was “too busy.” Growing up, I knew my mom had a job but I don’t remember her working ― she was always there.
A lot of my friend’s moms were the same way but now that I am a mom I can’t help but wonder how did they manage to do it all? How did my mom manage to work full time and be a mom full time?
The reality is that she didn’t. She prioritized.
She told me for her it was important to have a close relationship with her kids so she prioritized family time when we were little and did what she had to do to keep her job. As we got older she still was there for us but we needed her less and that’s how she was able to get her 3 masters’ degrees and a PhD.
I look at my life now and if I’m honest, it’s a mess. My house is mess most of the time, my kitchen has dishes pilled up, there are toys everywhere, I drink coffee not only out of pleasure but because I need it from the lack of sleep, I stay up late to have some me time and to write posts like these, we eat out several times a week, I am on my phone probably too much and I’m always with my kids.
When I get a compliments on my parenting skills, I realize people are only seeing one small part of my day. I almost feel embarrassed because I am by no means someone that has it all together but I am a mom that has decided her kids are a priority.
I am also a mom that has passions and desires and goals. I go after them, but in small doses and usually when my kids are in bed.
I am a mom that probably doesn’t take care of herself enough because by the time I get my kids ready and do what I have to do, there isn’t much time left for me.
But you know what? That is OK.
I don't have to be perfect. I don't have to be super mom. I just have to be a mom -- my kids' mom.
When I look back at my life all I remember is the time my mom spent with me and that is what I want my kids to remember too.
So can a mama have it all? No, not all at once. But she can have it all or almost all in her lifetime.
It's all about priorities and taking small steps.
It's about being there. It's about being present. It's about being a mom but not forgetting you're a person, too. It's about balance, although that balance might mean that sometimes you'll be out of balance.
So next time you wish you were like another mom, remember, they are probably struggling just like you are, they probably don't have their lives sorted out, they probably barely managed to get out the door that day. They are moms. Just like you, just like me.
They are moms figuring it out motherhood and although when you glimpse into their lives they might look like super moms, they probably aren't. They're just good at prioritizing what matters the most to them.
Let's stop creating this false image of super mom, the mom that does it all and can have it all at once. Let's celebrate motherhood in whatever shape it is for you, for your friend, for that stranger and for your neighbor.
If there is one lesson I have learned from my mom is that you can have it all, but maybe just not all right now and that is ok because when you look back at your life you don't want to regret not being there for your kids.
This post originally appeared on Mama instincts.