Bartholomew Richard Fitzgerald-Smythe, the infamous legume traitor known more commonly as “Mr. Peanut,” was murdered by a marketing team on Wednesday. He was 104.
But that’s not what Planters, one of the nation’s largest snack brands (and the late Mr. Peanut’s employer), would have you believe.
“It is with heavy hearts that we confirm that Mr. Peanut has died at 104,” the Twitter account called “The Estate of Mr. Peanut” (formerly, “Mr. Peanut”), tweeted Wednesday. “In the ultimate selfless act, he sacrificed himself to save his friends when they needed him most. Please pay your respects with #RIPeanut.”
The Estate of Mr. Peanut (aka Planters’ PR team) also uploaded a very distasteful video of Mr. Peanut’s “death” on its YouTube page. In the cover-up video, Mr. Peanut is shown driving his Nutmobile with celebrity pals Wesley Snipes and Matt Walsh (“Veep”), when Mr. Peanut is forced to quickly swerve to dodge an armadillo. As a result, the Nutmobile flies off the side of a cliff and Mr. Peanut, Snipes and Walsh narrowly survive by clinging to a branch after being ejected from the vehicle. When the branch begins to break from the three friends’ combined weight, Mr. Peanut sacrifices himself and lets go, so the other two can survive.
Planters issued a press release encouraging people to mourn his death by tuning in for his funeral, which will air during the third quarter of the Super Bowl on Feb. 2. But the reaction on Twitter makes perfectly clear that people are not saddened by the news. In fact, many were convinced that the human-sized peanut man with a penchant for monocles and top hats was rotting in hell — oh, and that all of this is a really obnoxious PR stunt.
But, hey, the responses on Twitter are pretty hilarious. Check out the nuttiness below: