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My 10 Ground Rules for Christmas Vacation

Holy crap! Christmas vacation is 10 daysthan Thanksgiving break. If it is going to be anything like Thanksgiving, we are going to have to establish some ground rules.
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You are a mere two weeks away and I find myself a bit giddy thinking about all of the possibilities. I am so excited to capture every moment with my kids in the days leading up to Christmas.

I made a promise to them that this year I will enjoy our time. I vowed to slow down and listen more. I expressed my excitement about reading Christmas books, eating cookies and sleeping under the tree.

I declared to thousands of people that "this year will be different, this year we will have Christmas."

I really, truly, meant every word of it. I promise. I believed it whole heartedly until it hit me.

Holy crap! Christmas vacation is 10 days longer than Thanksgiving break. If it is going to be anything like Thanksgiving, we are going to have to establish some ground rules.

So while we are on the topic of this extended, very long break, I have a few suggestions, wait I mean requests. Oh seriously who am I kidding? I present to you my list of demands for Christmas Vacation.

  1. For the love of Pete or Santa or whoever else I can call upon to help me, please oh please don't make me lock myself in the laundry room again with the cats. I secretly hate those flea bags.

  • Is there some kind of alarm that can be put on the iPad when anyone takes it into the bathroom for an extended period of time? Seriously, why does that $800 piece of technology need to be in close contact with my son and husbands poop .
  • If you are going to give my kids Nerf guns to shoot each other with, at least make the bullets harder than foam. They are in need of some good natural consequences.
  • I said I would let my kids spread glitter and glue all over while doing arts and crafts. I take that back. If they bring any kind of craft in my house, they will find themselves locked outside -- in the rain -- trying to get the beads to stick to the paper.
  • Under no circumstances will I entertain the idea of wearing matching pajamas on Christmas morning. I watched my dad be subjected to this humiliation each year. That striped hat with the white pom pom hanging off the top was always bouncing off his eye like a paddle ball. If that wasn't bad enough, the poor guy had to wear a nightgown. This was a man who grew up on a farm in North Dakota during the Great Depression. He peed in a tin can and shared a room with 10 brothers and sisters. A red and white striped nightgown... Seriously?
  • I would like a pair of those fancy headphones that cover the entire surface of my ear. I believe they are called Beats. Supposedly they block out excessive background noise.
  • Ear Wax. If my son tells me one time during vacation that the reason he eats his ear wax is because it makes him smarter, he will spend the entire break digging it out and baking it in a cake.
  • All bets are off. There will be no negotiating, bargaining, or begging. I will not listen to it, give in to it or fall for it. That is why #9 has been included.
  • I expect the following items for myself: 14 bags of Ghiradelli chocolate chips, 14 large boxes of DOTS, 14 bags of Dove Promises, and a new door handle that locks. Please install the handle on my bathroom door so I can enjoy my emotional eating in peace.
  • This is the last one. I promise. It might be the hardest one to deliver, but here it goes. Is there a way to reprogram my kids automatic response from mom to dad? Honestly, there is another adult in this house, even if he is only an adult by age.
  • Well I think that about does it. I'm confident that as long as those demands are met, we can make this the best Christmas Vacation ever!!