Schiavo: You're dandy.
Schiavo: I just thought starting off with a compliment would be nice. Let me try again. (Ahem). Governor Christie, you're impressive.
Schiavo: No, really. I never knew it was possible to stand in Seaside Heights and Asbury Park at the same time to give a speech. You really know how to cover A LOT of territory.
Schiavo: Ummm, you're welcome?
Christie: Marlaina, I don't think it's very nice to...
Schiavo: To NOT acknowledge when someone gives you a compliment? Agreed.
Christie: Can we just start the interview?
Schiavo: Simmer down. Here...suck on this sugar packet, you'll feel better.
Christie: No thanks.
Schiavo: Ok. Governor Christie, are you responsible for making certain New Jersey roads look like your arteries?
Christie: Excuse me?
Schiavo: Did you?
Christie: My arteries?
Schiavo: Please answer, Governor. Did you purposely order a blockage of lanes which caused a clog for commuters?
Christie: Enough with the fat jokes, Schiavo.
Schiavo: It's no joke, Governor. You've pissed off a lot of people.
Christie: I had no knowledge that a stunt like this was underway.
Schiavo: Hahahahaha... With all due respect Governor, you are faaaar from "underweight"...
Christie: I said underWAY.
Christie: Look, I was very sad to hear..
Schiavo: That the McRib isn't back yet?
Schiavo: My bad. Continue...
Christie: (sigh) Where was I?
Schiavo: EXACTLY my point! Where were you when this traffic prank was being planned?!
Christie: No one told me...
Schiavo: That you are single-handedly responsible for sea level rise at the Jersey shore in the summer when you go swimming?
Christie: I don't have to take this. This interview is over.
Schiavo: Why? Because you're avoiding the truth? And mirrors.
Christie: No. Because you keep veering away from the facts.
Schiavo: Well, Governor. I'm here to discuss your performance, not to talk about you being fat.
Schiavo: Yes! Now we're getting somewhere. Please give me the facts about what happened.
Christie: I'm still trying to get to the bottom..
Schiavo: Of that Cracker Jack box? I'll wait. Doubt it will take that long.
Christie: This is a waste of time.
Schiavo: Well, it's more like a waste of calories but...
Christie: Seriously? Is this all you came here for? To poke fun at my weight.
Schiavo: I'm sorry, Governor. It's just too easy. It's the low hanging fruit.... FRUIT being a food group that you should seriously consider.
Christie: We're done.
Schiavo: Ok Ok, truce. See, the thing is, I drive from Manhattan to New Jersey quite often because that's where my family lives. Now that I have a baby, sitting in traffic is not ideal. So this little trick of yours... excuse me... this little trick "of your staff's" really annoyed me.
Christie: Okay, but I had nothing to do with it.
Schiavo: Well, if I find out that you did...
Christie: Oh yeah...what are you gonna do?
Schiavo: I won't campaign for you.
Christie: You weren't going to campaign for me anyway.
Schiavo: You never know.
Christie: Ohhh I know. Trust me, there isn't MUCH you can get past me, my dear. Not this guy.
Schiavo: That's true. I wouldn't want to be walking toward you in a small corridor. That would be a disaster.
Christie: I didn't mean physically!
Schiavo: Oh. Well, if that's the case...how did Bridgegate happen right under your nose?
Schiavo: Governor? .... Governor? Wow. Didn't know he could move that fast.
This is for entertainment purposes only. This is not a real interview with NJ Governor Chris Christie.