By Sally Beck
Over 200,000 children in the UK have a parent in prison. It’s known as the hidden sentence as sons and daughters struggle to come to terms with the hard truth - mum or dad has been locked up for being naughty.
Seven-year-old Ruby misses her dad who is a first time offender serving eight years in Altcourse Prison, Liverpool. She said: ‘When I leave my daddy I feel so sad because I want him to come with me so I can see him every single day. I don’t know why he is in there, but I hope he can come home soon.’
Visiting day is a traumatic process, and Ruby is searched just like any adult visitor.
She says: ‘A doggy smells me. They open my mouth and look inside and they search you for anything criminal like guns or knives. They check the bottom of your feet because you could sellotape something to the bottom of your feet and take it in.
‘I think that my daddy might cry in his cell because he misses us all. I feel upset when I go home because I miss my dad. I wish I could have a sleepover with him but my daddy said no. I’m going to tell my daddy that he can’t go back to prison anymore.’
All she can do between visits is read and re-read letters sent to her by her dad Michael. ‘I have a memory box and I have this letter which says: “My baby girl, I miss you all so much more and more every day. I hope you are being good for your mummy. I just wanted to write to you my beautiful little girl to let you know daddy loves you so so much and will be home as fast as I can. Love always Daddy XXX”’
The statistics are stark. The prison population has doubled in the last 25 years which has dramatically increased the number of children affected. Every week, 10,000 children will visit a parent in prison, but nearly 50 percent of all prisoners lose touch with their family, while two in three boys with a parent in prison will go on to offend themselves.
Person Shaped Support (PSS), in Liverpool, is one of a small number of charities that help the children of prisoners. Set up by psychologist, Dr Lorna Brookes, eight-years-ago, it’s now funded by Children in Need.
Dr Brookes said: ‘The children serve the sentence with their parents. They aren’t just missing the parent but a lot of children have witnessed really traumatic things. They might have seen their parent arrested or seen a lot of crime prior to their parent’s arrest.’
Ruby is still haunted by the day police came to their home, wrestled her dad to the floor, handcuffed him, read him his rights and took him away. She said: ‘I heard a big bang on the door and I thought that mum and dad were fighting but they weren’t. I went down and the police pinned dad down on the floor. I didn’t understand what was happening. It was the most frightening thing of my life.’
For Alex, 11, and Kyra, eight, whose dad is also serving eight years in HMP Liverpool, it’s a matter of broken trust. He had been to prison before and promised he would never go again. Despite that, they still love him. Alex said: ‘There is a part missing in my life and it is him. I don’t know the reason why he’s not at home but he hasn’t been on his best behaviour and he got caught.
‘My dad is a nice kind dad, who looks out for you and makes you laugh. But he’s upset me because he has put himself where he is and he has put me and Kyra through a lot.’
Kyra says she doesn’t really understand because she’s only eight, but added: ‘I went to school and would just sit on a bench thinking about dad and all the happy times I had with him.
‘I really wish he wasn’t in there.’
Their parents are separated so they only get to see him once every two months and even then a visit can be cancelled with no notice.
Until now, Alex has told her dad she’s fine with him being in prison because she’s worried about upsetting him. She’s like many children with a parent inside, more concerned for the daddy or mummy’s welfare than their own suffering.
She said: ’I haven’t been able to tell dad how I feel because I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, but I’ve written him a letter. It says: “Dear Dad, Please don’t get upset because that is the reason I have never told you this. I really hate the way you have treated us and what you have put us through. I feel really let down, not once, but twice. When you said you’d never go back in there I really believed you. Please don’t get upset but I just thought I needed to tell you because I really do love you. But you just never really used to show that you loved me. I really hope that when you get out, you will keep that promise from ages ago.”’
Dr Brookes has concerns about the way prisons view visits. Fifty percent of prisoners will re-offend within a year of release, but family visits can reduce prisoner re-offending by almost 40 percent. Prisoners deprived of family contact are up to six times more likely to re-offend within a year, but thousands of children are denied extra visits because their parent hasn’t earned those privileges. She said: ‘What’s very concerning is that prisons use family days as a reward for good behaviour and they will remove visiting privileges for bad behaviour. That obviously has an effect on the child. There are many many children who don’t get any help at all so of course it’s going to be inevitable that they are going to start struggling in school, or in worse case scenarios, end up committing crimes themselves.’
Meanwhile Alex is still thinking about her dad, anxious how he will respond to her letter. ‘I don’t like upsetting people. Because we hardly see him and when we do see him it is only for an hour and I just want it to be fun.’
Most children with parents in prison will face some backlash either via social media or bullying at school. Some will lie about where their parent is but Alex and Kyra refuse to.
Alex said: ‘There’s nothing to be ashamed of. If I was like my dad maybe I would be ashamed but I’m not.
‘People should put themselves in my shoes for the day and see exactly how we feel, rather than judging us.’
BBC Children in Need: Prison, My Parents and Me, BBC1, Tuesday 15 November, 10.45pm