It's been a rough nine years since my husband and I met and married. He proposed after two months of dating, I said yes. Within the year, I moved in, renovated his home, married him in the backyard and got pregnant. A year and one big argument later, I didn't make the right choice and moved out. But did my family make the right choice by choosing him?
I would hear through my mom that my grandma, uncles, aunts, and cousins were still talking to him. I would hear through my ex that he was invited to visit my family back East. My ex is a very charismatic and fun guy. He works in the entertainment business, which is very appealing to those who are outside the city of Los Angeles. It's not like it was news to me that they liked him better. When they would come out to visit, they would dote on him and hang out with him more, right in front of me. So when they were still interested in him behind my back, I wasn't shocked. I would say I was more hurt than anything.
After a year of being separated, I moved back in with my ex. A few years later, my mom died from cancer, and I was depressed and moved out again. It's been another year of being out of the marriage and watching my family still fawn over my ex. I'm heading back to visit them soon, and I heard my uncle ask my ex to come visit too. My first thought was, "It's him or me pal, choose wisely as I already have a non-refundable ticket and I share the same gene pool as you!"
I'm more of a take sides kinda gal. I want the line in the sand, and I want my people on my beach. Unfortunately, that's not the way my family sees it. Their motto is, "Once family, always family." Or maybe it's, "We like him better than you." It's been left up to me to either stand with one foot on my beach and one foot on their beach, or be left alone on my beach. I don't dislike my ex, in fact, I will always love him whether we reconcile or not. So I've decided to choose everyone, almost.
Friends are a different matter entirely, as you don't have to run into them when you visit grandma. (She's the one person who could've adopted my ex, and I would still stand on her beach.) There are tons of actors and actresses in Hollywood and only a few select people who can make their dreams come true. So to you, ex-friends who choose my ex, break a leg.
That may seem like I'm bitter, but I'm just going to call it "setting personal boundaries." I'm sick of hearing, "I just want your ex to be happy." It makes me want to scream "Judgmental Christians!" all the way to their church. I've never encountered a person with more outspoken criticism than a person with the motto, "Judge not lest ye be judged."
I'm doing my best to find the good in my family favoring my ex. I know it makes my daughter proud that so many people love her daddy. Her happiness and security are paramount, and it helps me reconsider my feelings and encourages me to make better choices for her future. Punishing my family for loving my ex is pretty lame, as my daughter and I are the ones who end up missing out on the leftover love that pours off from my ex.
They didn't make the wrong choice by choosing him. I will have to remind myself of that when I drop my daughter off and see their luggage at his door and all of them swimming in his pool. It would just be nice to leave the swim party with the same people I brought to the mix. On second thought, shacking them up at his house isn't such a bad idea.