My Friends Are Celebrating Their Marriages. I'd Rather Celebrate Myself.

Woman dancing by swimming pool at party
Woman dancing by swimming pool at party

Recently, more and more of my friends are getting engaged, getting married, and having kids. Actually, it's pretty much everyone. But that's not all. This whole business of engagement and marriage also paves the way for complete lifestyle changes.

As soon as a couple moves in together, Grandma's old salad spoons are out the window and new kitchen utensils are purchased -- together. A bag of low-fat chips nestles between him and her, while the personal disco-ball of tonight's Sense8 Netflix binge illuminates their contented faces. How nice it is, they confide in each other, not to leave the sofa.

Once the kids arrive, hanging out with your old friends will spin your brain into overdrive, as you articulate, for the first time, heartfelt praise for their Stevia-sweetened whole-grain waffles, whilst eyeing "the offspring" who is coming dangerously close to smacking your smartphone off the patio table. How exhausting...

What am I saying? My life looks very different:

My friends receive proposals for marriage. I think it's sweet when he asks for my number.

At 6 a.m. my friends' children cry them awake... while I wake up in the techno-bliss of a sleep-intelligent alarm app gearing me up for another 11-hour workday.

My friends buy a sofa together. I still live with my Billy set from Ikea.

My friends order a moving truck. I still ask the "boys" for help.

My friends know exactly what their next few years will look like. I still can't remember what happened last Saturday.

My friends go to candlelit dinners at Michelin-starred restaurants, while I'm still drunkenly smitten with the bartender at my favorite joint.

My friends have to prepare sugar-free, vegetarian snacks for the kindergarten's annual party. I close the window when the kindergarten across the street is too loud.

My friends want to do everything right. I do what I want.

My friends decide if they'll take each other's last names. I'm jazzed on days I don't have to remember any last names.

My friends want to know where I'm going for vacation this year. I'd like to know that, too.

My friends leave early. They say: "Still have to drive." I'll manage to get home, somehow.

My friends juice. My roommate just stole my last beer.

My friends have been to three baptisms this summer. I've been to three concerts.

My friends wonder whether it's time to have a child. I'm still wondering what this blue stain is...

My friends watch cooking shows on Netflix. I'm currently re-watching Sex and the City -- for the eighth time.

My friends post pics of their pregnant bellies on Facebook. I upload blurry clubbing pics to Instagram at 4 a.m.

My friends try to play matchmaker with me at their weddings. And they succeed -- for that one night -- but they never hear about it.

My friends get older... So do I...

But even if we live different lives, happiness reigns over us all!

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