We we are a party of six, we come with two boys and two girls. We range from teen to teether with our two boys sandwhiched in the middle. They boys are 11 and 8 years old and you would the think they would be best friends inseparable buds, allies against their dramatic sisters-except that one happens to be autistic. Our 11 year old is severely low functioning, unable to speak or care for himself; and that has put a chasm between he and his brother.
Cooper, our 8-year-old is still in the process of working out what autism means. As his brother grows it has evolved into many different forms and expressions. As his brother moves into adolescence it has become increasingly difficult to distribute attention evenly, and each child has their own way of processing the imbalance. But Cooper being so close in age to his brother seems to wrestle with it the most. He wants to play outside with all of us and we have to stop short when his brother darts off in a wild sprint. He cannot comprehend why Christmas ornaments and toys are smashed or thrown across the room in an overstimulated moment. He struggles with how harsh our discipline is with him as a nuerotypical child, versus his brother who doesn't understand repercussions and sees them as a game rather than a punishment.
We as parents struggle as well, our attention is worn thin having to keep a consistent routine as autism requires a 24/7 commitment. We have found however, ways to grow closer through our experience with special needs. Although autism demands our main focus we have used to to develop into a team, with each child playing a special role. Our teenager can run like the wind to chase after her brother when he darts off in a nervous sprint, Cooper our 8-year-old can help his brother muster up the guts to get down a slide, or fly higher on a swing, and the baby is teaching her brother to be gentle-and get used to louder noises.
On certain weekends where we are all together we will all sardine into one car and head out to a park or festival and enjoy the day together. Sometimes we get strange looks, sometimes we have to explain that we have a special needs child, sometimes things get a little crazy; but these moments are creating memories for each one of us. These moments when we are all working together, are building the children's sense of kindness and compassion in a difficult world.
Even though our attention may not be evenly distributed, each child is gaining a bigger perspective on how to become a patient and contentious adult, and perhaps in the imbalance; we are creating better beings because of it.