Marriage is the hardest damn thing two humans can ever go through in life. Living in one house, one roof, one bedroom, one bed, every single day and night.
Before I was married, I would have thought my children come first, and my husband was second. Children are our world; they are a piece of us.
We live and breathe our children. We carry them for ten months, gain over 20 pounds, birth them (and adopt), no sleep, teaching them everything under the sun, and give up a huge part of our lives to raise them.
It makes sense they would be first.
My one-year wedding anniversary is coming up in 2 weeks. This time last year I was in the midst of wedding preparation for my Catholic wedding.
I can't lie and say I loved it. But, I will say I took away pieces of information that put a light bulb in my head.
One piece of advice was from the deacon that was about to marry us.
"Your husband always comes first, and your children second."
I'm not a marriage counselor, but this one sentence will hold two people to put their spouse first.
If you take a minute to dissect it, it makes sense.
A man and a woman lead a family. Children are right behind them to be taught, showed how to love, and those two people are their world.
The two of you are the glue, the happiness, the problem solvers, the love, and embrace the family to be a whole.
If you two are full of anger, no love, emptiness, screaming, fighting, second best, lost, or have no friendship.
Those words I just typed will affect your family and your children.
Those feelings will trickle down to your little ones. They will feel the negative energy in their house on a daily basis. Your body language will show fewer hugs and kisses. Your conversations will be short.
Then when your children are grown, and your husband was always on the back burner. You will look at him one day and say "who are you".
You will have lost touch, and all those years of putting your children first will catch up with you.
I'm not saying your kids are put last just second. They will benefit from a loving, caring, and happy couple that has led them all those years to adulthood.
So if you feel like you're slipping away, not as close as you used to feel, forget to put your spouse first. Then stop what you're doing and remember to put him or her first.
Take time for dinners and alone time.
Go to the movies.
Laugh at each other.
Talk when it's necessary.
Hug when you need it.
Kiss when it's unexpected.
Share your thoughts even if your scared.
Always listen when needed.
Hold hands when the kids are looking.
Just put them on a pedestal when they need it and always encourage each other.
You are the example to your family. You are the love that makes up a family. You will grow old with the man of your dreams.
He is first and they are second.
Side Note: These are my thoughts and I'm not a marriage counselor or a therapist.
For more non-sugar coated motherhood/parenthood stories find them at www.themothereffintruth.com