So after watching The Bachelorette finale I realized something (other than the fact that these men wear their pants so tight I don’t know how they physically walk without severe chafing). Jojo and Jordan kept referring to one another as their “best friend.” As a matter of fact, many couples share this same mindset.
I just don’t feel the same way. My husband is absolutely not my best friend and I’m not his. And I think we are totally good with that and have a solid relationship in spite of it.
My husband is 100% my partner and the love of my life and I can’t imagine doing life with anyone else.
But here’s the thing. I have a best friend (a few actually) who have been in my life wayyyyy before my husband, dating back to before I even had boobs and when I still had braces. They are my squad, my voices of reason, my lifeline, my sisters, and I would be lost without them.
Intimacy in my marriage is not the same as the intimacy I share with my girlfriends. They are totally different dynamics that peacefully coexist in a way that keeps me sane.
“My husband is absolutely not my best friend and I’m not his.”
My husband has my back, and I his. We operate as a unit, make decisions together, share bank accounts and household responsibilities, eat our meals together, share a bed (when he doesn’t snore so loud I feel compelled to smother him with a pillow), have date nights, snuggle on the couch, laugh together, travel together, raise a family together and share a wonderful, crazy, chaotic and perfect life every day with one another.
My best friends, however, are completely different. While there are similarities in some aspects, there are major differences as well. We share intimate (and gross) details of our lives, we critique and analyze screenshots of text messages to determine next steps, we share clothes, we talk about kids and carpool and dieting and sex. We are fixtures by each other’s sides for major moments in our lives (too many to count) like marriages, babies, divorces, breakups, family drama, health scares, deaths and everything in between.
We dish about our husbands to each other because that’s a major function of best friends. We gush. We complain. We swoon. We rant. We rehearse what to say during difficult conversations and use each other to role-play. We talk about it all – the good, bad and ugly. There’s never judgment, only compassion and even empathy, and most importantly, the most sincere, honest and unbridled advice and perspective you will ever receive. Whether you want to hear it or not.
My husband is my soul mate, but they are my soul sisters.
So I’m breaking away from the mainstream on this one and admitting that my husband and I aren’t besties, and I’m okay with it.