My Idea of a Heartwarming Story

NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report) -- If you'll pardon me for being serious for a moment, here's my idea of a heartwarming story:

A homeless man with no special talent gets our compassion anyway.

The Ted Williams story is, of course, riveting and hopeful. But the nation's fascination with it has nothing to do with our capacity for empathy and everything to do with our addiction to instant celebrity.

The coverage has also been shockingly patronizing. People have been amazed to learn that a homeless man might have an unusual ability, just as they were dumbfounded that an unattractive woman, Susan Boyle, did. There's also been widespread surprise that Mr. Williams had a successful career and a family (!).

I would love it if Mr. Williams' story led to an increase in compassion towards the homeless -- even the ones without viral YouTube videos. That would really be heartwarming.

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