My March Madness

This March was one of the most stressful, hectic months of my life. I feel like everything was either beginning or ending for me, and it was becoming increasingly difficult to decide what I should be letting go of, what I should be working hard on, what I need to take the time to cry over and what I must learn to laugh off.

I am sure many juniors are in the same position as me. I have so many things to stress about right now, some completely extraneous, while other decisions will affect me for the rest of my life.

First of all, college. Of course! What junior isn't starting to think of questions such as, who will I get my letters of recommendation from? What do I need to do this summer to add to my application? What grades do I need this semester to attain my ideal grade point average (GPA)?

I recently flew to Chicago with my dad to visit schools. Ideally, my dream school will have an amazing journalism program that will jumpstart my career as a global journalist while giving me the best education and college experience possible. The schools I visited were all fabulous, and the visits considerably helped me discover exactly what I was looking for in a college. Some were too spread out in the city, while others were situated in the middle of nowhere.

So now I am even more stressed out. My dream school wants an excellent GPA from me, and I need to remain tough and work efficiently to achieve that this semester.

On the other hand, I have trivial pieces of the average high school life to worry about. For example, I want to play every game on my varsity softball team, which is difficult with so many good players. As we won the championships in our section last year, many people are asking me what my expectations are for this year. Selfishly, I am particularly focused on my personal improvement; however, I believe that if our team plays together as a family, we have the potential to go far this season.

Of course, prom is on the horizon. Who will ask me? Who will I ask? I don't know. I will have to wait and see. (But I've already got my dress.)

Unfortunately, much of this year seems to be preparation for next year. Last night, I dreamt of writing a college essay, and then receiving it back in the mail with a big, fat red "rejected" stamp across the title. I've found myself spending too much time lately mulling over which is more important to think about: my past, my present or my future.

Today, there were two quotes on the board in the room that I peer tutor in. One said "Live in the moment" and the other said "Learn from the past for tomorrow."

As I struggle through junior year and try to find balance in my life between all of these stress points, these quotes battle each other in my head. I desperately desire to live in the present, but at times it appears impossible when I need to rely on my past to prepare for my future. Surely, I'll find this balance by the end of junior year... right?