A few weeks ago, I posted a question in one of the stay-at-home mom groups I am apart of on Facebook (pssst.. Did you know I have a group for moms? It just launched and I am pretty excited about it! Want to join?). I asked the question, “As a stay-at-home mom, what is your biggest struggle? I saw the typical answers, “keeping the house clean”, “preparing dinner”, “staying organized”. But one of the moms took a different approach. She got vulnerable for a second and commented, “self-worth”. And do you know what happened next? A slew of other moms started liking that comment and replying to it in agreement. This made me so sad.
We have the unique, sometimes once-in-a-lifetime, chance to do something everyday that many other moms would absolutely love the opportunity to do.
We get to stay home with our kids, be there when they need us, pick them up from school, go on school field trips, eat lunch with them, and plan a summer full of activities and family fun. What do you mean you struggle with self-worth?!
Then I started thinking, wait a minute, I’ve struggled with that some too.
I’ve felt like the only one in our family who does anything in the house. The only chauffeur, the only cook, the only maid. I’ve taken care of kids when I’m sick, cleaned the house when I have a migraine, fixed a meal when the smell of it made me want to toss my cookies because of pregnancy.
I’ve woken up and wondered how much I’m really needed that day, like, if I sleep in, will the whole world come crashing down?
This feeling of being at the bottom of the totem pole really is a legitimate feeling of worthlessness that overwhelms many moms on a daily basis.
So I started thinking about how I was going to help this group of moms who feel like robots day-in and day-out. Where should I start? How do I get them from this place of feeling so valueless, to the place that (luckily) I find myself in everyday, the mentality that I get to stay home with my kids. Then it hit me.
The key phrase of adding value, purpose, and laudable truth to your life when you are struggling with self-worth is, “I get to”.
It seems so simple, doesn’t it? But the power that this phrase carries is inconceivable.
I blog a lot about my church and what I get to be a part of there. This phrase was introduced into my life when my husband and I started volunteering in January 2014. It wasn’t a requirement to join the team, or a mantra to be rehearsed and performed each weekend we served. But we started noticing different people on our team who would use this phrase of “getting to”.
Someone would mention that they “get to go to work this week” or they “get to help set up the tent”, this phrase just flowed so easily out of their mouths each weekend and it started to resonate with me.
What the heck do they mean they get to donate their right leg?!
Ok, no one ever said that, but it was crazy the way they just kept talking about all of these “have to” things as an opportunity. So one day I asked our team coordinator, “What’s in the coffee here? Why is everyone on the get to train?” She explained to me that we are a grateful church. Meaning, we realize that being here, not only on this team, or a part of this movement for God, but on this planet, doing the things we do every day, is an opportunity where God can use us for His glory; and just the fact that we have been chosen to exist on this earth another day is something to be grateful for, so we show our gratitude by not “having” to do the things we do, but “getting” to do them.
What?! Talk about a jaw-drop moment.
So here I am, tired on a Sunday morning, exhausted from lack of sleep and getting up early to drive an hour to volunteer outside in the freezing cold January temperature, probably just complaining to my husband that I can’t feel my face and my nose is running; and I find myself surrounded by people who aren’t only excited to be there in that moment, but grateful for the opportunity to even serve?!
Talk about a mind shift.
From that day on, I have purposefully tried to remove “have to” from my vocabulary.
No, I don't have to go to the grocery store today, I get to buy groceries with the money God has blessed me with.
I don’t have to go to the dentist today, I get to have my teeth cleaned with the great insurance God has blessed me with.
I don't have to do laundry three days in a row to get caught up; I get to provide a clean wardrobe for the active, healthy family God has blessed me with.
I absolutely, like many other moms, struggle with self-worth, but wrapping my head around being grateful for the opportunities I’ve been given, especially being a stay-at-home mom, has turned my feelings of low-self-worth, into a delightfully high self-confidence that I know could only come from the one who created me.
The Bible says I am worth more than one million canaries.
“What’s the price of two or three pet canaries? Some loose change, right? But God never overlooks a single one. And he pays even greater attention to you, down to the last detail—even numbering the hairs on your head! So don’t be intimidated by all this bully talk. You’re worth more than a million canaries.” - Luke 12:6-7
God knows how many hairs are on my head, not just because He put them there, but because He values me and wants to know me intimately like that.
As moms, we’ve changed a lot of diapers, but do we know exactly how many? Nope. Do we know how many nights we’ve stayed awake rocking a sick baby? Nope. Do we know how many meals we’ve made and/or cleaned up off the floor? Negative. But wouldn’t you agree that we still unconditionally love our kids more than anything else on the planet?
That's what this verse is saying. God values us so high that he’s willing to count the number of hair follicles He’s creating for us; AND remember, individually, how many we have.
You see, self-worth isn’t just a feeling, or lack thereof. It's something that was spoken over us even before we were born. The value God has placed on our life is so high that He was willing to send His only, biological, son to earth to be made fun of, abused, taken advantage of, ridiculed, and nailed to a piece of wood as a sacrifice for the bad choices we continue to make, so that one day we can be with Him again.The thing that gets me is, He wanted to do this so that we would feel the high value He placed on us when we were created, but He went through with it knowing that only a handful of people would ever see their self-worth the way He meant for them to.
Slowly, over the last couple of years, I have changed my mentality to a grateful one. With this change, I have also felt my self-worth rise over time.
I still have days when I feel like I’m the only cook and the only maid, but just by changing my attitude, I realize that I get to cook so my family will be nourished; and I get to pick up our home so that my family doesn’t have to live in a pig sty. Furthermore, it just makes me grateful that I get the opportunity to even have a family.
When my attitude changes, so do the feelings I have toward myself.
You can imagine my emotions when I began to see all of the replies to my simple question in the mom group. I was overwhelmed with sadness and feeling helpless.Those women who feel so alone, used, and exhausted; those are the women I am writing this blog for.
I Answer to Mom exists so that those women who, most days, feel like the only name they have is “mom”, still remember that they were made with a purpose, and are highly valuable.
Our self-worth as women will never be found in a job we’re doing, a man we’re loving, or a kid we’re cleaning. Our self-worth is only found within Jesus. He knows how valuable we are because He literally paid for us... Himself. It’s those moms that this blog is for today.
I know you’re thinking, “she’s not talking about me” - but just know this, if you’re thinking that, then you are exactly who I am talking to.
I’ve got a lot of great FREE resources in my members only area. Including a brand new 5-day email course for moms. I really believe checking it out will help you as you start on this journey of changing your mindset and learning your true value as a mom.
Also, comment on this post and let me know how this inspired you to think more highly of yourself. I want to know what action steps you are going to make this week to raise your self-worth and see how valuable you really are.
And if you don’t struggle with self-worth issues, consider sharing what you do struggle with. I wonder how many other moms struggle with the same thing?
You can email me your thoughts at email@example.com :)
I really hope you are leaving feeling encouraged and ready to show the world how valuable you are!
Have the best day!