My Style Struggle With Electric Cars: BMW or Mercedes

I would rather cut onions with dental floss than go car shopping.

I hate it so much that I have used a broker for my last two cars. I buy cars without seeing them. Once Ray (that's the broker whose identity I must protect) was at an auction, the car was coming down the line, and he called me and said "you'd look great driving it" and I bought it. He was right a Mercedes E-class totally brings out my eyes.

That pretty much sums up my car buying style.

But now that I want an electric car, well, the rules are different. Because unlike any other car, an electric car requires the driver to be able to do math in real time or you could get stranded. And not funny dealer math either.

So this last weekend, I did something I have never done before. I told my boyfriend I wanted to test drive cars. Usually he's running up and down the escalators at Neiman Marcus trying to find me after I promised to be right back.

We spent most of the weekend comparing two electric cars: the Mercedes Benz B-class and the BMW i3.

By now you must be laughing your ass off, who in their right mind would even consider these two overpriced luxury electric cars.

Don't hate and don't judge. My little, but thriving, environmentally conscious heart is trying.

Only in America could a luxury electric car (not luxurious at all really) cost more than a regular high-end car. What sense does that make? It's like saying an Hermes Birkin made out of recycled paper costs more than one made of crocodile. If you are a woman, that makes complete sense.

Back to the cars. Both cost about the same when you toss in a few options, nearly $50,000. Now for $50,000 I have a lot of expectations: it should look good, have leather seats (ok recycled leather bits) and it should get me where I have to go.

Apparently my demands are outrageous.

The BMW i3 looked like it was made out of recycled plastic park benches using a 3D printer. But the extender model has a Thumbelina size gas tank which holds 1.9 gallons of gas as a backup if your battery runs out of power.

The Mercedes B-class looks and feels like a real Mercedes, but it doesn't have an extender option which means I can't drive from my house in the Hollywood Hills to an outlet mall and back, on one charge. Oh, and don't even think of turning on the air-conditioning in either car because you won't have enough power to pull out of the garage. That's not a car, that's a Fisher Price toy.

I was surprised how little electric cars had evolved from the days of the EV1.

Here's what else stunned me. Both salesmen said to me, after taking much time and care to explain the cars to me -- that maybe this wasn't the car for me.

When in the history of car dealerships has a salesman uttered those words "this may not be the car for you?" Shocking!

It's as if they had been trained at Goyard in Paris on how to deter an American from buying a French tote so clearly out of her league.

And that is why I must have an electric car.

I don't know which one I will choose. The BMW golf cart with a thimble of a gas tank, or the luxurious Mercedes with the battery of a Shop-Vac.

You know what Ray the broker would say: you would look better driving a hybrid.