"He sat at what felt like the end of the Earth, pondering a life that's been, a life that's happening and a life that's to come; whilst he did not know all of the answers to the questions he was asking, he took comfort in knowing that this was all a part of the journey"
All my life I knew that I didn't "fit", that I didn't fit a mold, a stereotype and that I was perhaps in essence put on this planet again to truly reach my capacity and reach out and serve others. Whilst I had this higher knowledge, my biggest battle was, has and on occasion continues to be putting this into practice. I've spent a lot of my life being a people pleaser, I would go to the ends of the Earth to make sure others were happy and that others did not go without and as a result, eventually reached a point where I realized I was not giving enough time to myself, enough time to re-charge in order to go on and look out for others, which was a big realization for me. Up until this point, I felt as if I had to always be "on", always smiling, always happy and always willing and able to give my best at all times. I'd get frustrated when people would ask if I was ok, if for just a second I had a serious look on my face, I'd think, "I'm allowed to not smile all the time" and would get annoyed when questioned about this. I realized people were also concerned about me but felt that they did not understand that I was also human and was allowed my "downtime". I think we are all familiar with that "defining moment" where we reach a point in our lives where we start to ask some serious questions about why we are here and what we are doing and I suppose when I think back, I have always been a very reflective person and am constantly evaluating every aspect of my life and my journey. Bit by bit, piece by piece and conversation after conversation about solving the problems of the universe I slowly started to gravitate towards a deeper understanding of my purpose and the steps I needed to take in order to act this out. Thoughts are energy after all and when the energy is concentrated, thoughts become actions and this is where the magic truly starts to happen.
This past year has been one, which I will always remember. I feel as it is one where I have, for the first time in my conscious memory, truly said and done a lot of things for myself with the long-term vision of being there for others in a more genuine capacity. I am a very outgoing and sociable person and have realized that I derive my energy from the internal, not the external and up until recently, I had let others tell me the opposite thus causing a lot of internal conflict. I now know that in order to be able to give my all externally, I must utilize my internal and alone time
effectively and give more concentration to this aspect of myself to achieve a balance in my life and for others that I help.
Delving more into the spiritual aspect of me this year has been a very confronting and at the same time, exciting journey on its own. I reached a conclusion that perhaps I, myself AM the universe and that everything I do and see everyday is my projection of what I feel the world is and should and shouldn't be and analyze the points where I feel I personally need to intervene. I remember the night I came to this conclusion after a very heavy meditation session with a group I was attending and feeling as if my brain was about to implode at the gaining of this insight and remember going to my gym and running as fast as I could on a treadmill to really think about everything and nut it out.
We hear a lot about personal transformation these days and there seem to be a never-ending supply of people who are popping up in various businesses to help others reach their true potential. For a long while I was somewhat skeptical of these folk as I had a more "traditional" educational background, as I would describe it. Though thinking about it now and applying my theory that everything I do and see on a daily basis is a projection of how I feel the universe should be and the goings on in the world, I must come to the conclusion that all of these people I see doing things for the greater good are more or less projections from the internal of which I feel need to exist in order for individuals and the world as a whole to become a more viable and better place.
We hear a lot about the law of attraction these days, now so more than ever and I feel this is as a direct result of the Internet, Social Media and information in general being perhaps more readily available and marketed to the general public as opposed to a particular target or demographic. Again, I was somewhat skeptical about this law of attraction as I felt it only focused on money, wealth and abundance and I saw a lot of people getting drawn to it as a more or less get rich quick scheme and being a man of substance, this did not sit well with my moral compass. The more I have thought and read about the law of attraction, the more I have seen it come into fruition in my own life and not so much in the form of just money, as I thought it was aiming at, but a number of different things. As I mentioned earlier, thoughts are energy, thoughts then become actions, actions then become the product of our thoughts and imaginations and more often than not become physical representations of our inner desires and passions or as we may even term it these days, our lives and career paths. Being the reflective person that I am, I look back over my life of almost 30 years thus far and really focus on points where I felt I was lacking things; whether it be direction, love or relationships in my life as examples and then note that particular events took place shortly after having these periods of uncertainty to push me along in the right direction once again. I suppose one conclusion I can draw from this and even though I read books such as The Secret and various others of the same genre, I had the answers all along. At points in my life I have felt unsure or uncertain or that I was lacking in certain things. In response to the perhaps negative thoughts, my brain and higher conscious was providing positive solutions to a way out or a way forward and thus the attraction of people, opportunities and experiences would present as a direct result of my thinking about how to get out of situations I found myself not wanting to be in and thus providing me with the most perfect use of the Law of Attraction.
I have found that over the past six or twelve months I have really taken a lot of "time off life" as I knew it and have been getting back to what I am really about. I used to draw, I used to play the piano, I used to enjoy bike riding, so one day I decided to take a month off of my job which I thought at the time was life as it should be and I drew, I bought new music books and I sat at a piano for 2 days and I played music, I bought a new bike and I rode it, I filled my life with all of the things it was missing for so long and fulfilled the craving of which was growing more and more inside each day and leaving me feeling more and more empty. My time with me is no where near over by any stretch of the imagination and I feel this period of my life has laid the foundations for life as it will and as it should be for the remainder of the foreseeable future, or at least until I reach my next pinnacle moment and decide to review it all and stop doing what is no longer serving my soul at that point and start doing other things. I can't answer the questions right now that I may or may not have in the future but there is one thing I know; I have really learnt a lot of lessons in my life and have learnt a lot about myself, particularly in the last six to twelve months so I feel confident in the fact that knowing what I know about myself internally, I cannot fail myself anymore.
At this point I do the following;
• I now respond, not react.
• I have a love of all living creatures, which enriches me and makes my life
complete.
• I always know when I push beyond my limits and bring myself back to balance.
The above three affirmations are what keep me accountable to myself and to my purpose whilst in this existence and knowing this makes my time with me, all the more worthwhile.