I have had an internal debate about posting this. Like my book title, I evolved from "no" to "maybe" to "yes."
Last week, I had what I refer to as a few skin carvings. One was to remove a basal cell carcinoma on my forehead and the other to remove a benign mole on my breast.
I really did not expect the latter to be fairly invasive as the doctor wanted to be sure there was enough "margin," so some digging was required. This was a week ago today and below I am showing the area of incision and what will end up as lovely scar that is just below my bikini top. (Yes, I have been to the pool this week.)
However, I find it interesting as I am working with my parts that my three-year-old breasts -- which just felt like they have always been there and are a part of me -- have now been "marked" by the same things that GGs (Genetic Girls) have when the have lumpectomies and/or breast cancer.
My transgender journey for over 50 years, dreaming of living in the body that would match how I knew myself, never had the thoughts that were now running through my mind! One part tells me it is another symbol of assimilation into womanhood while another says it is something very different... yet it would not be clear what it meant...
I have total clarity that my sense of self is that I am both a woman and a trans woman. I am comfortable holding these two ideas in parallel without any criticism or battling between them. I realize not everyone who transitions feels the same way. If you have read anything I have written before, you will know that I believe that it's okay with me too. Just the idea that I am thinking about the impact to me of this "invasive" surgery on my breast area makes me feel that I am living my true life and need to deal with things that many women have to deal with. This does not make it right or wrong, but it's a surprising observation on my experience. Everything is fine, and I am now on a healing journey.
Perhaps this is more of my journey of assimilation and brings me more in common with other women. Just perhaps... I would not change a thing. No matter what happens I know how blessed I have been.
Just thought I would share this. Thanks for listening.
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Grace Stevens is a transgender woman who transitioned at the age of 64 and holds a Masters Degree in Counseling Psychology. She is a father of three, grandparent of two, athlete, advocate and author of No! Maybe? Yes! Living My Truth, an intimate memoir of her personal struggle to transition and live her true life authentically as a woman. Grace is available for speaking about authentic living with Living on-TRACK, and Gender Variance Education and Training. Visit her website at: http://www.graceannestevens.com/. Follow Grace on Twitter: www.twitter.com/graceonboard .