Naomi and Wyclef -- A Celebrity Week in Foreign Affairs

The stars must be aligned strangely in the heavens this week, because it's the stars who are dominating foreign policy news. Stars - or at least some celebrities and a super-model.

But it's not a pretty sight.

Naomi Campbell has been compelled to testify at the Special Court for Sierra Leone at the Hague. Prosecutors hope to link alleged war-criminal and former Liberian President Charles Taylor with the illegal diamond trade - by literally tracing the path of illicit gems from his commanders' hands into those of a manicured model.

While Campbell testified that she didn't know the "dirty" and unimpressive un-cut diamonds she received in the dead of night after a 1997 dinner party hosted by Nelson Mandela were from Charles Taylor - others disagree.

This includes her former agent, Carole White and fellow dinner-party guest Mia Farrow, who testified that Campbell was "mildly flirtatious" with Charles Taylor - and spent the night text-messaging about, and giddily awaiting, delivery of the stones from his underlings - whom prosecutors allege were rebel commanders.

Campbell says she "planned" to give the diamonds to the Nelson Mandela Children's Fund, which the dinner was intended to benefit.

But how can we be sure?

Subpoena the housekeeper, I say! In 2006, Campbell was arrested for throwing a "jewel encrusted" cellphone at her housekeeper. Only the housekeeper can confirm if the gash on her head requiring stitches was caused by diamonds. And if they weren't blood diamonds before, they sure as hell were after!

And while we're at it, what was up with that guest list, Nelson Mandela? You invited former Liberian President Charles Taylor - war criminal - to a dinner, intended to benefit your Children's Fund? What was that about?

As a rebel leader, Charles Taylor was renowned for the recruitment of child soldiers and the wholesale slaughter of civilians in Liberia's civil war, which had spilled into neighboring Sierra Leone - for control of the diamond trade - in 1991.

So really, the dinner was about selling out Sierra Leonean kids for South African ones?

You, sir, got out of jail in early 1990. I know you had a country to fix - but virtually the entire time since you were released from prison - up to and beyond that 1997 dinner party - Charles Taylor was a murderous thug. No excuse for not knowing!

As for Mia Farrow? Well, we'll let that one slide.

On the other side of the world, pop-star Wyclef Jean from "The Fugees" has announced his candidacy for the presidency of Haiti - for which his only qualifications appear to be that he's written a song called "If I Was President" - in which he predicts his own assassination.

If I was President, I'd get elected on Friday, Assassinated on Saturday, Buried on Sunday, Then go back to work on Monday.

At least that's a more lyrical refrain than, "If I was president, I'd compel donors to follow through on pledges of $5.3 billion in funds following the January earthquake, not only to rebuild shattered physical infrastructure, but to revitalize a government that was so riven by factional fighting that it required the presence of UN peacekeepers for the last 16 years in an effort to stop gang-warfare, glutinous corruption, and the wholesale destruction of the environment; while enacting a series of effective policy initiatives to alleviate poverty, stimulate the economy and push for the lifting of restrictions with trading partners like the US - saving Haiti from continued existence as a failed state and the poorest in the Western hemisphere."

(Or how about: If I was president, I'd learn the subjunctive.)

Now, that's a tall order for anyone - even Bill Clinton, the UN's special envoy. And another self-appointed savior of Haiti, actor Sean Penn, and fellow "Fugee" Prakazrel Michel, don't think Wyclef's got it in him.

Psssst! They're not alone.

Bizarrely enough, "If I Was President" includes a warning that "it's not all that's bling that's diamond/ Most of y'all wear cubic zirconia."

Maybe that's a hidden lesson for Naomi Campbell. As those "dirty stones" suggest, it's not all that's diamond that's bling. And she probably should have stuck to cubic zirconia - it doesn't land you in the Hague.