With 25% of all bridges in America being declared structurally inefficient last week, the nation's Troll People are concerned that they will soon be put out of a home.
"Look, if we don't do something soon, my whole family will be on the streets," said the Beast of Anklar as he gnawed on the flesh of a young school boy.
"It just isn't fair."
With over 61,000 bridges in the country at risk of falling apart, tragedies are inevitable if major actions aren't taken soon. When asked if he would consider retreating to the forest, the Troll Person became highly offended.
"What, like an Ogre?! We're not the same thing, you know," bellowed the Beast, as he used the young boy's spinal cord as a toothpick.
"Protecting the environment is great, and I hope that long term we are able to save the trees or whatever, but right now we need to look at things like bridges. It is a real problem, even if it's not apparent to the blind eye. And I know a blind eye!" The troll joked, as he topped off his meal by eating the boy's eyes.
The Obama administration called for 478 billion dollars to be used for improving bridges and road over the next six years. Whether or not it is too late -- or if his successor will get rid of the plan -- will only be told in time.