Nation's Racist Uncles Feeling the Pressure to Really Bring It at This Year's Thanksgiving Dinner

"There's just too many options. I don't know what to say. I feel like I'm at the goddamn Cheesecake Factory," said racist uncle Dave Calloway while at the Cheesecake Factory.

In past years, Dave was able to simply ruin Thanksgiving by going into explicit detail about how Obama is a "GODDAMN MUSLIM!!!!" But the growing rate of stupid comments on Facebook and presidential debates have made that claim seem mild.

"I really have to bring it this year. Between YouTube comments and Donald Trump, everyone's getting desensitized to my insensitive comments. I mean, Trump saying he saw thousands of Muslims in New Jersey cheer on 9/11 barely even phased anyone. It seemed run of the mill, even. I just don't even know which comment I can say that'll make an impact."

Dave is among many racist uncles across the country who feel overwhelmed by the amount of stupid shit they could say during Thursday night's dinner.

"There's just not enough time. How am I supposed to cover everything in one meal? What comments will even be shocking at this point? All I've been able to decide on is that I'm for sure wearing my 'All Lives Matter' shirt to the family football game."

Potential conversation topics for Dave included his belief that Obama is secretly in ISIS, gay people secretly being in ISIS, and that Empire is faking their ratings.