Here's a true, shocking confession: I've always liked Kids. Not actual children -- other than my own two perfect sons, I can take or leave the little bastards.
No, what I'm talking is New Kids On The Block -- those crazy kids from Boston who put the "boy" in "boy band" back in the day when we could use expressions like "back in the day." Okay, maybe the Kids didn't actually invent the boy band -- but at the very least Jonathan Knight, Jordan Knight, Joey McIntyre, Donnie Wahlberg and Danny Wood helped put some Caucasian boys in the boy band business. Giving credit where credit is due, let's also collectively squeal like pre-teen schoolgirls for the now aging Kids' dreamy predecessors -- New Edition, the Jackson Five, the Osmonds and possibly John, Paul, George and Ringo too.
The first time that I ever met The New Kids On Block was at the peak of their popularity at the end of the Eighties. Joining them on their tour bus, I found myself feeling like the new middle-aged kid in middle school. Taking pity on this elderly gentleman then still in my twenties, Donnie Wahlberg kindly invited me to sit with him on the tour bus heading towards the next sold-out show at some Pennsylvania State Fair. The details get hazy here, but I vividly remember that Donnie was reading The Autobiography of Malcolm X with great interest when he wasn't taking time out to give me an advanced education on current trends in rap music.
Whatever prejudices I had going into meeting them, I soon found the Kids were all right. In particular, Donnie struck me then as being extremely cool -- sort of "The White Negro" that Norman Mailer once promised. As far as I know, Mailer never promised us "The White Boy Band," though I confess that I skipped a couple of Norm's later books.
The New Kids may not have been the most meaningful popular phenomenon I've ever been around, but it was definitely the loudest. I'll never forget not being able to turn on the light in my hotel room without hundreds of girls sleeping outside screaming because I was staying on the same floor with the young objects of their desire. Truth be told, I'll also never forget those multiple hot moms who offered even me sexual favors in exchange for my All Access Pass. For the record -- and for my wife who might be reading this -- I adamantly refused these propositions for reasons that are not entirely clear to me today.
I make no claim today to having been the Sixth New Kid -- though at the time friends did occasionally identify me as "Jew Kid On The Block." Hell, I'm not even certain if I was the first music writer to attempt to abbreviate New Kids On The Block to NKOTB. On the other hand, I'm pretty damn sure I was the first entertainment "journalist" to ever publicly dub the Kids' young female fan base as being "Blockheads."
Well, imagine my pride then when I just went to NKOB's revived website to check out the reaction to Friday's Today Show appearance confirming their reunion and found that one of their faithful had already written in proudly identifying herself as "a Blockhead." You know, ladies and gentlemen, it just feels good to have added a little something meaningful to the culture.
In February, Donnie called me up out of the blue to tell me that he had agreed to reunite with the guys if they made a new album they could proudly get behind rather than just trade on pure nostalgia. He invited me recently to the studio to hear what the Fab Five were doing and, truth be told, it sounded really great -- though now that I'm in my forties, they say the hearing starts to go.
Those Kids are all grown up now, with some kids of their own to support. So good luck, guys, you deserve your Second Coming -- especially because you weren't little pricks the first time around.
From Jew Kid On The Block to New Kids On The Block, thanks for the memories and mazel tov.