New Year, New Heartbreak? 5 Ways to Get Over an Ex During Breakup Season

New Year, New Heartbreak? 5 Ways to Get Over an Ex During Breakup Season
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As shocking as it may sound, what's cuffing season for some is breakup season for others! Chalk it up to New Year's resolutions, too much eggnog at a holiday party, or the realization that another year has gone by and you're still not happy - either way - breakup season is real!

And whether you're on the giving or the receiving end of a breakup, one thing's for sure - there isn’t anything easy about them!

Maybe your heart is broken, the rug has been pulled out from under you, and your rose-colored world has crumbled. Maybe you're feeling empowered, or afraid and nervous about the dating mishaps that await you and aren't sure that you’re ready for single life.

So what are you to do when your lover’s New Year’s resolution doesn’t include you?!?!?!

(Brief PSA: This is a humor-laden “quick fix” guide. For something with a bit more depth, please read Life After a Long Term Relationship)

Here are Five Ways to soothe your soul after a breakup:

1- Rewrite the lyrics to your "love song."

Music has the power to bring up memories and rouse emotions, sometimes sad or painful ones when remembering the good times of a relationship gone bad. One thing that helps soften the blow of hearing your love song come on the radio at the gym or your doctor's office is writing new lyrics to the song that either make fun of the relationship or point out its bad qualities. This is a fun way to help you reframe a song that once made your heart flutter.

An example might be (sung to the tune of Justin Beiber's song "Baby"):

"Cause you're shady, shady, shady, ohhh.

I was crazy, crazy, crazy, nooo.

To be your lady, lady, lady, ohhh.

Now I know that you're slime, slime..."

I'm not sure if that's anyone's love song, but you get the idea!

Helpful Hint: If you’re having trouble with this one, please feel free to reach out to me for assistance. This is one of my hidden talents.

2 - Find your new Girl Power anthem.

A good place to start might be Pandora with Kelly Clarkson, Taylor Swift, Katy Perry, or Carrie Underwood.

These strong female artists sing a lot of songs about being independent, escaping bad relationships, and empowering yourself. Finding your own love song with yourself will help you power your way through a bad breakup.

My personal favorite: "Stronger" by Kelly Clarkson, powerful chick with a heartfelt message.

3 - Commit to a 90-Day “Ex-Cleanse”.

What does this mean exactly? Well to put it bluntly, you need to block your ex on every social media app. If your ex wants to see what you’re up to (or vice versa), he/she can call, text, or email you. Any communication other than direct and mature communication should be avoided.

Once you are broken up, it’s not yours or your ex’s business to know what you’re eating, who you’re hanging out with, and how you’re feeling that day. It may be hard at first to totally take this person out of your life, but at least it will be helpful in getting you through the first few weeks.

You can be friends with your ex after you have let some time pass and you are better able to maintain your boundaries and contain your feelings appropriately. Just trust me on this one – exposing yourself to your ex’s new life will hurt more than you want to admit and ends up just amounting to self-torture. Be good to yourself and cleanse this person out of your system for awhile.

Empathic Thought: If 90 days sounds too daunting for you, then set a smaller, more realistic goal for yourself. Some time off from the person is better than none.

4 - Write out your feelings in a letter to your ex (but PLEASE never, ever send it!!!).

Knowing that you're writing a letter that will never be sent will empower you to literally say whatever you want. Any angry, hurtful, or embarrassing thing you want to mention is all fair game because this letter is going nowhere. You're doing it for yourself. You're doing it so on the days that you're missing him/her, you can easily read the other feelings that you have for him/her.

Seriously, though... Don't send it! Not even a little sentence of it. It doesn't always feel good to get the last word in and sometimes your silence can speak much louder than your words.

Safety Tip: For further protection, use a pen and an actual piece of paper and physically WRITE out the letter so you are not as easily tempted to copy and paste it and pass it along to someone.

5 - Gather up some gal pals and shake your tail feather!

Do you remember those hot shoes that you just had to have because they made your legs look ridiculously long and you felt like Beyonce when you tried them on at the shoe store but ever since you were somebody’s girlfriend they’ve been collecting dust (and spiders) in the back of your closet?

Yeah, those shoes!

Put. Them. On.

Now call your single girlfriends and go to that cheesy twenty-something’s club that plays the perfect blend of house and hip hop music and get your groove back – literally! Shake off your sadness and remind yourself why your ex wasn’t “ready for that jelly.”

Strict Reminder: You are not there looking for a new partner or play toy or someone to kiss. You are there to have fun with your girls and feel sexy and wonderful all on your own.

In summation, kissing someone as the ball drops isn’t worth it if you or your partner has already dropped the ball. Hang with your friends, be good to yourself and remember the old and popular New Year’s song:

“Should auld acquaintance be forgot,

And never brought to mind?

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,

And days o’ lang syne!”

Or more importantly, as I like to sing:

“Should all your exes be forgotten,

And never brought to mind?

Just block your ex, and love yourself,

And happiness, you will find.”

Alyson Cohen, LCSW is a Psychotherapist and Life Coach living and working in New York City. To learn more about her and her practice, please visit her website at
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