There are two kinds of New Year's resolution-makers: people who set lofty goals for themselves and people who resolve to eat more pizza. And by mid-January, only one of those groups is typically still on track.
Whether you've reached your resolution's "don't ask" phase, or your goal to double down on pepperoni pie is coming along just swimmingly, these hilarious New Year's resolution tweets are for you:
Already broke my 2016 resolution for no Mondays.
— braden graeber (@hipstermermaid) January 4, 2016
My New Year's resolution for 2015 was to join a gym. My New Year's resolution for 2016 is to go to that gym.
— Ron Burgundy (@RonTheAnchorman) January 8, 2016
My New Year's Resolution is to spend less time correcting autocorrect's mistakes. If yow doesn't get it these fur st time, u don gave two.
— Jeffery Austin (@JefferyAustin) January 7, 2016
If your resolution was to keep your resolution for a week, then congratulations. #ResolutionsFor2016
— Captain Obvious (@CaptainObvious) January 8, 2016
Me already less than a week into the new year and my resolution to save more money pic.twitter.com/hLl4F72QwW
— The Office (@OfficeScenes) January 6, 2016
My new years resolution of being more accepting of all the starburst flavors is going well. Working on yellow rn
— Jon Cozart (@JonCozart) January 11, 2016
[grocery store: ice cream isle] *Sings loudly* "Don't call it a comeback, I've been here for years." -My 2016 resolution, fit fail
— вℓσи∂є αмbitισи™ (@CharmandBrains) January 7, 2016
#FailedResolutions pic.twitter.com/atFv5n32pL
— Molly Goddard (@praiseGODdard) January 2, 2016
2016 resolution fail No1: Do not spend more than 2 mins choosing which kind of hand soap to buy.
— Alicia Davies (@Thealiciadavies) January 6, 2016
First week of 2016 they did all gym deals. Now I'm emailed this. @Groupon knows what's up. #resolutionfail pic.twitter.com/2c1NvrPK8z
— Meredith Geddes (@MeredithGeddes) January 9, 2016
I was totally going to work out, but then instead I just watched Downton Abbey. #resolutionfail
— Christy Effinger (@ChristyEffinger) January 11, 2016
When you decide this New Year's Resolution thing isn't working out and you'd rather just die fat and happy instead. pic.twitter.com/3Ug7NVekcW
— The Refined Ruffian (@CulturedRuffian) January 10, 2016
A new year for new resolutions.. Ok my new resolution is to do for real my old resolutions.
— Mia MILLER (@louislo240) January 6, 2016
New Years resolution: "I'm gonna eat healthy!" 5 days later: consumes a whole Chinese buffet in seconds
— Niki Albon (@NikiAlbon) January 5, 2016
This is my New Year Resolution! What's yours? pic.twitter.com/n1KoTueBua
— 9GAG Tweets (@9GAGTweets) January 9, 2016
New Years resolution: A’s before baes.
— College Students ♛ (@LostAtCollege) January 8, 2016
Almost at the end of day 5 of my New Year's resolution to delete Candy Crush from my phone. This is proving tougher than I thought..
— Chris Hoy (@chrishoy) January 5, 2016
Me trying to do my New Years resolution right now... https://t.co/7IuxuuoYn9
— Athlete Activity™ (@AthleteActivity) January 9, 2016
*New Year Resolution* Jan 1: 💪🏽😏🍉🍌🍒🍐🍏🍋🍆⚽️🏀🏈🚴🏿🏋🏋🏋🏋🏇🚴🏿⛹🏿⛹🏿🏊 Jan 17: 🍔🍟🍝🍱🍡🍧🍩🍪🍭🍻🍔🍰🍧🍬🍹🍪🍖🍗🍗🍖🍟🍟🍟 😴💤
— عُمر (@OmarImranTweets) January 4, 2016
RESOLUTION RESOLUTIO RESOLUTI RESOLUT RESOLU RESOL RESO RES RE R RA RAC RACL RACLE RACLET RACLETT RACLETTE
— Enjoy Lepoy. (@IamLepoy) January 5, 2016
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