New Year's Resolutions for the Modern Lady

With Deirdre Devlin @deedevil22
Illustrations by Jim Dwyer

New Year's Day is here... and so is the time to make those 2014 resolutions.

While making resolutions can be productive, let's face it, women are way too hard on themselves. So, instead of lofty goals of losing hundreds of pounds, swearing off chocolate forever, and meeting your prince, I propose we start small.

Resolution #1
Stop seeking validation from men at stop lights.


Resolution #2
Learn how to wear a scarf.

Resolution #3
Pass a homeless guy on the street without apologizing for only having a debit card and proceeding to show him the contents of your purse.


Resolution #4
Instead of committing to the entire book, simply read the Amazon reviews of Lean In.

Resolution #5
Limit your text analysis to one friend, instead of the usual council of women.


Resolution #6
Stop saying you are dating yourself.

Resolution #7
Figure out the appropriate tightness of your bra straps.

Resolution #8
Be thankful for the small things.


Resolution #9
Limit the amount of times you hear "Welcome to Yogurtland."

Resolution #10
Do not send the passive aggressive "?" texts after not hearing an immediate response to your inane question.


Resolution #11
Finally admit to yourself that your period blood is not blue and that's okay.

Resolution #12
Be honest about why you're joining a gym.