So Long, 2012: New Year's Resolutions I'd Like to Hear

Happy New Year, HuffPosters! May your 2013 be filled with love, laughter, passion and 365 full nights of sleep.

Through the years, I've discovered something about New Year's resolutions: while it's not so easy to keep them, it's very easy to make them for other people. And a lot more fun, too. So here are some New Year's resolutions I'd like to hear assorted public figures make and keep:

"I will remember that I won the election convincingly -- and govern accordingly." ~ President Obama

"If someone asks me why I think I lost the election, I'll just say 'I guess they preferred the other guy's ideas.'" ~ Mitt Romney

"I'll find better uses for my $150 million than trying to buy an election." ~ Sheldon Adelson

"I will reach the fifth stage of grieving -- acceptance -- about Ohio, and send out a 'Sorry I blew that $300 million' card to my 2012 donors." ~ Karl Rove

"I will use my final year in office to keep gun control on the front burner." ~ Mayor Michael Bloomberg

"I will realize that destroying the economies of Germany's trading partners is not good for Germany's economy." ~ Angela Merkel

"I will stop living my life on camera and have an actual childhood." ~ Honey Boo Boo

"We will go away." ~ Members of the Westboro Baptist Church

"I will finally quit making excuses and coming up with crazy ideas, like armed guards at every school, and admit that guns really do kill people, and lots of them." ~ NRA Executive Vice President Wayne LaPierre

"I will have caller ID installed in my delivery room." ~ Kate Middleton

For verification when calling my granddaughter-in-law, I will use a codename ('Lady Zaza'? 'Scorpio'? 'Gangnam Style'?)" ~ Queen Elizabeth

"I will enjoy my last months of privacy." ~ Will and Kate's baby

"I will enroll in a legitimate Biology 101 class." ~ Todd Akin

"Two words: New password." ~ Scarlett Johansson

"I will remind myself that 'forgive and forget' should not apply to cases of battery by a boyfriend." ~ Rihanna

"I will buy a well-trained sheep dog to help me with my caucus." ~ John Boehner

"Same as every year: stay out of jail, stay in my clothes." ~ Lindsay Lohan

"I will remember that my mandate isn't just keeping inflation low but also keeping employment high." ~ Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke

"I will set a DC precedent and actually produce a tangible result from my gun control task force." ~ Vice President Joe Biden

"Performing in movies (other than Trouble With the Curve): yes; performing at GOP conventions: no." ~ Clint Eastwood

"I will make productive use of the HuffPost Divorce section." ~ Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries

"I will continue to do whatever it is that I've been doing." ~ George W. Bush

"I will hire a fact-checker for my next big speech, so every media outlet doesn't have to." ~ Paul Ryan

"I will resist the charms of the banking lobby and use my spot on the Senate Banking Committee to investigate those responsible for the financial crisis." ~ Elizabeth Warren

"I will call a cab." ~ Amanda Bynes, Sen. Mike Crapo, Gerard Depardieu, Randy Travis, Jenna Jameson, Matthew Fox and all the other notable alleged drunk drivers

"When I'm in an austerity hole, I will stop digging." ~ UK Prime Minister David Cameron

"We will finally admit that the truth is not always -- in fact, almost never -- to be found by presenting two opposing points of view and then pointing to the middle." ~ The media

"We will learn that the best way to get rid of deficits isn't austerity but growth." ~ The EU

"If I break any of my other resolutions, I'll do it indoors." ~ Kristen Stewart

"I will realize that I work for the American people, not America's banks." ~ The next Treasury secretary

"Take a road trip with my new BFFs, Barack and Bruce." ~ New Jersey Governor Chris Christie

"I will stop endlessly repeating in your brain. Eventually." ~ The "shine bright like a diamond" refrain from Rihanna's "Diamonds (In the Sky)"

"I will begin shooting Romneys Unchained, in which Mitt and Ann travel the country on horseback, exacting revenge on the 47 percent." ~ Quentin Tarantino

"We will begin thinking of other ways to get into the news." ~ The Mayans

"We will not forget about the victims of Hurricane Sandy, the mounting list of victims of gun violence and those still suffering from the continuing jobs crisis." ~ All of us

Okay, HuffPosters, it's your turn. Leave the resolutions you'd like to hear in the comment section.