I was just wondering if we might consider that it is a known fact (not an alternative one) psychologically speaking, that bullies usually feel inadequate. Grandiose people are usually fighting against low self-esteem, that is, underneath their bravado. People who talk about my button being bigger than yours—well, it seems kind of obvious. It seems sexual, coming from insecurity, both things having been duly noted by many in the world at large.
But I’d really like to talk about snowflakes. I happen to know at least one person who has been on a tear about “snowflakes”, so I’ve gotten used to it. In any case I do think it’s time that we get clearer about the fact that we are all, inside or out—yes—snowflakes.
I’ve been writing and thinking for a while about the “shadow”. This idea (developed by psychoanalyst Carl Jung) centers on the notion that we are all made up of good and bad, of all the flavors and colors imaginable. This means we are all capable of good and bad as well, and of weakness and strength. In other words we are all potential killers and/or bullies (under certain circumstances) and we are all potential snowflakes. Yes, that is exactly true and another way of saying this is that we all have snow-flakeness as part of our makeup. What’s more is that the snowflake parts are even more ferocious if you will, more urgent, in those who are afraid of it.
Behind every snowflake phobia, then, lays the fear of our own snowflake parts within. Behind every bit of extreme fear and rage at others, lays our fear of being too much like the so-called monsters we despise. When we are willing to find, and we are less afraid of finding, our own vast array of emotions and imperfections, our compulsion to have scapegoats at every turn can slow down.
I get it: humiliation feels terrible and most of us realize that we all have the adrenalin that fuels our wanting to get back at people who have made us feel small, whether physically or mentally. This is especially so when we live in a culture— a human climate—that applauds competition and appearance, almost at any cost.
This is a hard one, particularly for those of us who reckon that we are not engaged in competition, when we may be nonetheless. We can laugh at and scorn those who are grandiose, by being grandiose in another and slightly manner, assuming we are above the fray. It reminds me a bit of the liberal—I include myself here—who is so passionate about peace on earth, let’s say, that he/she would just about kill for it. Then comes the afterthought: I’d want to kill for peace? How does that make sense?
So, then, let’s get back to the snowflake question. We are not only big and strong, or full of bigger buttons—or for that matter smaller ones-- but we are also all vulnerable. And underneath the brashness of anyone who is bragging about machismo, as one example, is—yes-- vulnerability. It is there even if a person denies its existence. And with this I mean to suggest that we are all snowflakes—I (but I knew that already), and you as well.
According to Merriam Webster online dictionary, the more modern meaning of “snowflake--that includes people on the right insulting people on the left, appears to have taken flight after Chuck Palahniuk’s 1996 popular cult book “Fight Club”. There a member of the anti-consumerist Project Mayhem in essence tells the other members: "You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake”.
The site goes on to say: “In the 1999 movie adaptation the lines go like this: ‘Listen up, maggots. You are not special. You are not the beautiful or unique snowflake. You are the same decaying organic matter as everything else. We are the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world. We are all part of the same compost heap.’" The message on paper makes actual sense, though during the viewing of the film, I found the tone hurtful. I’m guessing it was the snowflake in me coming out except that I didn’t realize it at the time.
According to Wikipedia, “Snowflake as a slang term involves the derogatory usage of the word snowflake to make reference to people. Its meaning has varied, but may include a person who has an inflated sense of their own uniqueness, has an unwarranted sense of entitlement, or is easily offended and unable to deal with opposing opinions. Common usages include the terms special snowflake, Generation Snowflake, and snowflake as a politicized insult.”
And again we return to snowflakes. I get it: we’re all “snowflakes”, and perhaps the message that we are not unique in any absolute way, is important. This might mean that none of us has the right to possess arrogance and superiority as a given. Rather that too would be a sign of our fragility—which is but a part of the human condition. It seems that it is not uniqueness per se that is a crime, but rather the communication of being part of an elite that doesn’t have to experience the arrows of the human condition at any one point in history.
Another aspect of “snow-flakeness” is that the ability to identify and empathize with sensitivity is a key to feeling and to giving a damn. When we don’t have fear, we are handicapped. We are devoid of sense and sensibilities. We go into the war zones, facing enemies or enemy leaders in denial, without protecting ourselves.
If we have leaders without fear, we are in very big trouble, because nobody is really protecting our safety. In a world with leaders and legions of people who menace and threaten war as a sport or a key to heaven, we can only hope that enough people will cultivate a sense of fear, fear that can be a cornerstone of sanity.