New York City: Local Hotspots

As the summer kicks off here in The Big Apple, chances are you and your family are looking for some fun, cheap activities afforded by this great city of ours, now that all of your savings was blown because you thought the world was ending on May 21st. Here are some places in which you can kill some time until the October rapture:

The Great Lawn at Central Park: For when you're too afraid of bed bugs at the local movie theater but don't mind sitting down on the fucking ground.

Greenwich Village: Once a home to intellectual comedians like Woody Allen, Mort Sahl and Bill Cosby, the village is now the perfect place to run into five drunk girls in straw fedoras.

The Solomon R. Guggenheim Museum: Designed and constructed by Frank Lloyd Wright in 1959, The Guggenheim Museum costs over $18.00 dollars to visit and no matter how much you pay they won't let you rollerblade down it. Fun Fact: This is where Will Smith confronts the alien at the end of the first major chase scene in "Men In Black," proving yet again that Will Smith hates aliens.

The Highline: As if we needed further proof of our nation's imminent decline, this was how we followed up Central Park.

Chinatown: Where the only thing separating New York from San Francisco is a suicide rate.

SoHo: Short for south of Houston street, this trendy neighborhood is the perfect place to wear that outfit you wear when you're out shopping for other outfits to wear.

Union Square: What started as an experiment in mass producing people who sell mass produced pieces of art, Union Square is now a habitat for the relatively homeless.

Battery Park City Esplanade: The esplanade runs all the way down Battery Park and consists of bike lanes, parks and gardens. It is also the sole reason I know how to correctly pronounce 'esplanade.'

The Garment District: If these buildings don't look like sweatshops, congratulations, you've managed to trick your brain into not knowing what a sweatshop looks like.