A little more than four years ago, Eater NY posted an article about the "5 Worst Nights in New York." It was a rather accurate account of nights that New Yorkers -- Manhattanites in particular -- have come to despise. A hatred deeper than that of dropped calls, missing a late-night train L train back to the city, or even commuting through Penn Station after a WWE event just let out at Madison Square Garden. Here is an updated list that takes a refreshed look into nights (and days) where it may be better to just stay in, and do nothing.
1. Fashion's Night Out: Started just a few years ago, this global tradition was originally created to restart the struggling fashion industry during the height of the recession. Things have turned into a disgusting mess that clogs the arteries of the city with B & T commuting, bandage skirt-wearing, Abercrombie Fierce-smelling men and women who are out for a night on the town. I find it rather ironic that New Yorkers often cringe at the thought of venturing into a big crowd such as FNO when most of the country thinks that the city we live in is bursting at the seams. Alcohol is involved, as is the case with most of these dates, making matters belligerent and often messy. The thought of hanging out with the latest designers, celebrities, makers and shakers is something New Yorkers either dislike due to their nonconformist, granola, antiestablishment nature or, on the opposite end of the spectrum, do anyway and therefore find nothing special about a night like this.
2. Santacon: My personal hell would be something like this. Santacon goes where few events dare to. Growing up in the Midwest and experiencing a few college homecomings, football games, etc., I feel like I can honestly say they know how to drink and how to party way harder than even the biggest club rat. Pregames often start early in the morning and run late into the afternoon. New Yorkers, who enjoy late-night escapades, often cringe at the thought of participating in such activities, unless some sort of brunch-type atmosphere is involved. As the streets of the East Village fill with Santas, screams and ultimately a stimulating day of stumbles, shots and beer, I find myself ordering delivery and doing my best never to leave the building.
3. Gay Pride: A uniting theme of these days is the fact that transportation, or the ability of a New Yorker to travel freely and independently through the streets, is severely hampered. Walter Benjamin's description of the flaneur is something that most New Yorkers, knowingly or not, find great pleasure in. Gay Pride eliminates the ability to wander through the streets without being noticed. Both genders are targeted here as hormones run through the streets and human sexuality is celebrated to upmost importance, as it should be. This day takes the invisibility cloak that we often throw on while walking down the street and turns it into a magnet of attention.
4. One Random Day in February: The joy and ambiance of the holidays are long gone. Days are short, cold, miserable and dark. You probably have yet to lose the winter weight hidden underneath your multiple layers of black. The wind. Valentine's Day is either coming up or has past, reminding you of how lonely this city can really be. Flu or another illnesses is probably going around. Even if you don't catch it, there is nothing better than being surrounded by coughing, sneezing, sniffling coworkers. Your apartment is probably too hot. The wind.
5. St. Patrick's Day: My earliest remember of this holiday is being thrown up on by a kindergarten classmate after she ate too many green cookies. The next came a few years later during spring break in California. My grandpa's Saint Patrick's Day birthday celebration was cut short thanks in part to a fire that destroyed their house, new car and vintage golf cart (they live in Palm Springs). A bird also pooped on my head two years ago, which was not fun at the time even though it is supposed to be good luck. This may be a personal vendetta against this day or a little too Liz Lemon like for some of you, but ultimately this day is the greener version of Santacon, minus the hats, but with the addition of lots of green vomit.
*It should be noted that delivery also takes FOREVER on these days as well.