Seoul, South Korea/June 25, 2015 - North Korea's unprovoked attack on a thousand South Korean nuns, orphans, and baby seals has resulted in the world's swift condemnation of Israel, despite the fact that Israel was completely destroyed several years ago after a peaceful Iranian nuclear test. "This is clearly murder conducted by the previously existing state of Israel," said Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. "We must rewipe Israel off the map from which it was wiped."
Former Hamas leader and current U.N. Secretary-General Mamduh Al-Fayyoumi said, "It is vital for there to be a full, thorough, credible, and impartial investigation to determine exactly how Israel acted alone in committing this brutal crime against humanity, and which media figures besides Helen Thomas will accept this explanation first." Foreign ambassadors have denounced Israel for launching the attack, as well as for global warming and the Asian carp. "It is an outrage," says Khalil Talhami, President of the National Authority for Palestine, whose citizens now live in La Rinconada, Peru. "The fact that no one from Israel will accept responsibility is proof of its treachery."
Reaction from the United States has been muted, with President Hillary Clinton sticking her fingers in her ears and saying, "La la la la" at a press conference this morning. Many national and foreign leaders point to this evasive response as being influenced by the powerful American "Jewish lobby," a fact somewhat disputed by the mysterious deaths of every person with Jewish blood outside of Israel shortly following Israel's destruction. "This is typical Jewish behavior," says Talhami. "And genocide is no excuse."
Extensive video footage of North Korean soldiers beheading and disemboweling the South Korean nuns, orphans, and baby seals has been dismissed as propaganda created by the Jewish-controlled media. "They planned this years in advance," says Turkish Foreign Minister Akar Osmanoglu. When asked how the Jewish-controlled media could have been so poor at handling its own public image before the destruction of Israel and all Jews worldwide, Osmanoglu commented, "It's part of their diabolical plot. And aggression from beyond the grave must be opposed even more vigorously."