News Roundup, January 11, 2017

Hello. Join us in introducing the shit to the fan.

1. Obama said his official goodbye to America. He spoke eloquently, truthfully, and powerfully. Meanwhile Trump was being accused of hiring prostitutes to engage in golden showers. You can watch the whole speech here.

2. BuzzFeed released an unverified report which details many salacious and treasonous actions undertaken by Trump (see above). If true it would spell the end of a Trump presidency before it began. Did we mention the golden showers? More here.

3. Dylann Roof was sentenced to death for murdering nine people in cold blood. He showed no remorse. More here.

4. We have found a new species, the "Skywalker hoolock gibbon". More here.

5. Artists in LA want your blood for an anti-Trump painting called RISE UP THY YOUNG BLOOD. The blood is for ritual sacrifice, not for the painting. More here.