NFL Week 14 - Tweet Dreams

Hypothetical tweets from real NFL figures!

@Jared Allen69 Jenn Sterger keeps texting Brett Favre pictures of legal documents. #aretheyreal

@BigMike@ill17 (Mike Williams) Coach Carroll's confused - he told us after we won last week that we're now bowl eligible. #toomanyyearsinthesun

@MrArmstrong13 (Anthony Armstrong) Albert Haynesworth is lobbying for public support to extend tax cuts for billionaire athletes. #fatchance

@oscandrick32 (Orlando Scandrick) We're hoping we get a high draft choice so that we can trade it to the Jets for Vernon Gholston. #unlimitedpotential

@KevinBossman (Kevin Boss) Our biggest fear is that @SteveSmithNY will come back, score a touchdown, then reinjure his pectoral muscle flexing in the end zone. #showguns

@E_Sims3450 (Ernie Sims) I wish the press would stop hounding @MikeVick about his MVP chances. #badnewz

@MattForte22 How do we plan to beat the Patriots? By carjacking Tom Brady's limo on the way to the game. #illegalprocedure

@drewstanton Our only chance to beat the Packers is to convince them that we still play in the Silverdome. #guesthouse

@ClayMatthews52 I wouldn't say we're overconfident about beating the Lions, but guys are already arguing over who gets the game balls. #notryangrant

@johnabraham55 We talk so much trash out on the field that we've been ticketed by the sanitation department for littering. #wheresparishiltonwhenyouneedher

@GK_McCoy (Gerald McCoy) Some reporter made the mistake the other day of telling LeGarrette Blount that @EarnestGraham is still a better running back. #effectiveonetwopunch

@Blafell1 (Brandon LaFell) The biggest problem playing the Falcons at home is that our fans might puncture our eardrums with their boos. #decibelpoint

@reggie_bush @Pierre_Thomas has been seen at practice this week, but we're still convinced it was a hologram. #invisibleman

@sj39 (Steven Jackson) I told everyone we need to focus on getting above .500 rather than making the playoffs, although they're probably the same in our case. #disparity

@Boobie33 (Anthony Dixon) @20westbrook (Brian Westbrook) has been a mentor to me - he told me that practicing without a helmet builds character. #selfpreservation

@derekanderson3 It's probably a bad sign that the University of Arizona challenged us to a game. #theydbefavored

@nickmangold When Coach Ryan buried that football, we all hoped that wasn't a metaphor for our season. #notdeadyet

@starks94 (Randy Starks) Coach Sparano's getting cocky - he sad he's going to kick Rex Ryan's ass. #bigtarget

@shawnemerriman If Ryan Fitzpatrick's so smart, why can't he figure out a way to keep us from losing? #notinharvardscurriculum

@RobGronk_87 (Rob Gronkowski) Tom Brady's glad Deion Branch is back - how's Randy Moss doing in Tennessee? #dontaskdonttell

@RyanClark25 We were all worried when Ben Roethlisberger broke his nose, but apparently he doesn't need it. #breathingasighofrelief

@DonteStallworth Derrick Mason seems unhappy with our offense's lack of production, but he's not helping much. #catchingalotofflacco

@rivers55 (Keith Rivers) Carson Palmer said he's actually looking forward to playing in the snow at Pittsburgh. #hesflaky

@MoMass_11 (Mohamed Massaquoi) It's a shame Colt McCoy can't play this week, but at least we still have Jake Delhomme. #boobieprize

@ZMiller86 (Zach Miller) Just think of all the confusion this weekend when we play Oakland and both teams have tight ends named Zach Miller. #namegame

@HurricaneJames5 (Javarris James) Peyton Manning in a horrendous slump is still better than @derekanderson3 on a career day. #postgamepresser

@briancushing56 How come we have two of the best offensive weapons in football, and we still won't make the playoffs? #coachinganddefense

@JavonRinger23 Whose brilliant idea was it to not target r81m (Randy Moss) even once in our loss to Indy? #expensivedecoy

@dmcfadden20 (Darren McFadden) It's pretty exciting to be at .500 this late in the season. #theresalasttimeforeverything

@berry1429 (Eric Berry) We're all insanely jealous of @jcharles25 (Jamaal Charles) for his new contract. #oddtiming

@pcox16 (Perrish Cox) We play Arizona this week, which is almost like having another bye week. #toobadyouwontbeplaying

@LuisCastillo93 If we can't beat the Chiefs when they have Brodie Croyle at quarterback instead of Matt Cassel, our season is doomed. #statingtheobvious