No Brag Just Fact

Back in 1986 Moorhead High (Moorhead, Minnesota) alumni were planning a 10th year reunion. My husband Glenn and I were both members of Moorhead High's 1976 Bicentennial Graduating Class. It was a very big deal to graduate in the Bicentennial year. Each graduate was given an official seal with a 1777-1976 logo on it. (basically a free sticker).

As part of our 10th reunion festivities, a letter went out, asking people to describe what their first decade out of high school had been like.

My husband had no desire in filling the questionnaire out, and I have always enjoyed creative writing, so here's what I came up with:

Sandy (Oian) Thomas: I operate a live-bait shop in the Crystal Court of the IDS building, downtown Minneapolis. My first husband was a professional wrestler, who died in the ring, doing what he loved best. His stage name was Raging Rabbi Teetlebaum. The move that killed him is now illegal in several states. After a brief period of mourning I married fellow classmate, Glenn Thomas, and we live in the Twin Cities with our two children Tillie (age 14) and Kawliga (age 11).

Dr. Glenn Thomas: After high school, I went to medical school for 3 years in Haiti, and am now a surgeon, specializing in the Silver Penile Implant Prosthesis. Marrying Sandy was the best decision I ever made in my life.

Comedy gold, right? Not so fast. The genius who was appointed to edit submissions did not get my humor. Slashing both my entries down to the fact that I sold live bait and had two children, and that Glenn was a doctor. Zzzzzzzzz. (snoring noise/wake me when it's over). And yet. . . .when we got the official 10th reunion booklet in the mail.. . .paragraph after paragraph was devoted to classmates who had gassed on about things like doing ceramics in their spare time and being on bowling teams. I was livid.

Out of a graduating class of nearly 400, Susan Helgeson (former classmate) was the only one to phone me, after reading my bio. We laughed about the ages of my fictional children, because I would have had to have been visibly pregnant in my freshman and senior years in order to have an 11 and 14 year old. Sigh . . . .If only they'd printed my unedited submission.

An artist is rarely appreciated in the place where she lives. Almost never.

I'm not sure if my initial diss from the class of '76 led to my apathy towards class reunions. I've never been to one, so perhaps. Hell hath no fury, etc. etc.

Bringing us up to October, 2015. Dear Glenn knows I like a writing assignment and a firm deadline. His work newsletter was asking him for a short bio, "explaining who he is." And, being the kind husband he is, and one who appreciates my talents, he allowed me to write his bio for him. Glenn works at the airport, devising scenarios to train air traffic controllers.

I left just enough boring stuff in his bio, to make it slip past the editor. Here is the (thankfully) unedited Spotlight bio, from the Adacel newsletter:

Hi, I'm Glenn Thomas, Adacel's representative at KMSP.

It's hard to believe that I've been working for Adacel for 6 years; the time has flown. Figuring out how to create effective and interesting scenarios has been very entertaining for me. I enjoy challenging puzzles. I spent 25 years as an air traffic controller in the Minneapolis area, and although some of it is gray, I still have a full head of hair. I enjoy bicycling and commute to work by bike when I can. I don't ride in winter though. I've never really enjoyed gambling, and being on two wheels on ice and snow, on a street narrowed by snowdrifts, in traffic is too risky for my taste. Skiing, movies, and cooking get me through the long cold winters here, and the short beautiful summers are mostly spent on a hobby farm away from the city. Home improvements suck the life right out of me, and I long for the day that I'm independently wealthy and can hire that s*** done. I've painted my city and farm homes by myself in the last couple years.

My daughter Mabel is a junior in high school this year, and it's been fun watching her emerge as a competent young woman. She plays violin and trumpet and is on the Lincoln-Douglas Varsity debate team here in Edina.

My wife Sandy comes from a family of hoarders, so we've been dealing with that. She occasionally makes me laugh and rarely brings a lot of money in. She's a tax deduction, so we stay married. Could be worse. As far as I know, she's faithful.

We're all pretty healthy, physically.

It's been great getting to know people through the Newsletters, and if you are ever in Minneapolis, be sure to look me up. I'll recommend a nice motel and some decent restaurants.