No More Mr. Nice Guy - For God's Sake

M.C. Rove and Darth Novak wish to welcome one and all (except small animals who want to keep their heads) to the annual Washington press corps' warm-up circle jerks. (Not to be confused with the main event, coming soon!)

I find events like the Radio and Television Correspondents' Dinner and the Gridiron Dinner infuriating. And even though everybody and their mother's third cousin twice removed has already discussed these events (or just vented their spleens about the various and sundry two-headed press-politico chimeras who are drawn to such events, presumably to spawn), there is one important point that bears repeating over and over and over again: There should be no pinky swears, BFF tattoos, or Muppet songs exchanged between the White House press corps and the politicians they cover. They should be operating under détente or something like it, not dislocating their shoulders patting each others' backs.

And really, what's with politicians trying to prove that they're cool, hip, and funny, anyway? If you want the world to know you're a good sport, go get your district Better Known. But don't try to be Stephen Colbert. First of all, because you're not. (Satire, like all other potentially dangerous endeavors, is best left to trained professionals.) And second of all, because you shouldn't be. Quite the opposite, in fact. For one, vice presidents who won't acknowledge their administration's complicity in the perpetuation of global warming climate change until some drowned polar bear washes up on their beachfront lawn at Number One Observatory Circle should not be cracking jokes about it, especially to the press. For another, (just in case you've forgotten), our nation is at war. One, I might add, that might have been prevented had the press not been so gosh darned worried about hurting the administration's feelings. (Don't worry, Joe Wilson, we don't mean you.) And this isn't just any war, either, but one of ideology. Of (supposed) moral high ground. The men and women who advise, represent, and report on our nation and its handling of this war should conduct themselves with dignity, integrity, honesty, responsibility, and respect. Respect toward this nation, toward other nations, and toward the quagmire in which many politicos at these dinners entrenched us and on which some of the journalists at these dinners failed to report with due diligence.

So come on, D.C. press corps! Come on, politicians! Stop being so darn nice to each other all the time! Cut it out with the play dates and the shared juice boxes and start eyeing each other critically from your respective corners of the jungle gym. Because right now, it's embarrassing (and frankly dangerous) enough to be an American, even without Bush's Brain trying (and failing) to be one of the cool kids.