All of us have regrets at some time. It may be spending too much time in a problematic relationship, buying something you realize is not what you thought it would be, wearing a tie that clashes with your jacket, or eating too much dessert. For me, it was buying Lehman Brothers stock before the company crashed. We all find ourselves at times caught in an endless loop of negative self-recrimination -- "I could have, should have, would have." Sometimes the negative voice lasts a few minutes, sometimes a few days, and sometimes years. Are you stuck in your regrets? You are not alone.
We would have to be immune to learning from experience to say that we never regret something we have done. After all, isn't it useful to learn from our mistakes? It makes sense to say, "I realize now that it was a mistake," and then move on to present and future positive plans and behavior. That's like driving over a bump in the road and saying, "I wish that hadn't happened," and then driving on. Would it make sense to get out of your car, yell at the pavement, and hit yourself over the head with a tire iron? You can acknowledge a mistake or mishap without drowning in the quicksand of continuous regret. But it may be hard to pull away from your regrets. They keep nagging away at us, reminding us of how foolish we have been.
How can we move beyond the moment of regret so that we don't get stuck? Let's look at some simple steps that can free you so that you can get on with your life.
- Is there any advantage to continuing your regret? Some people think that by persisting in their regret they will teach themselves a lesson, motivate themselves to do better, and become better at making decisions. But how long must you beat yourself up with regrets to learn not to eat that soufflé or buy Lehman Brothers stock? And think of all the disadvantages of your regret -- you can't enjoy your life, it makes you depressed, angry, and self-critical, and you have a hard time moving on to the next step. Plus, you may be boring other people by repeating your endless regrets.
Keep in mind that good decision making is acknowledging a mistake, learning from it, and making life better in the future. Don't spend your life reviewing past mistakes while the world goes by.
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