No, You Never Hit Her

No, you never hit her. You despise the men who raise their hands to strike the women they claim to love. You see, those men are not worthy of a woman’s love, let alone her touch. Hollow men who allow their inadequacies and insecurities to violently ricochet. Leaving remnants of anguish and despair.

No, you never hit her. But some bruises are internal. And not all scars are skin deep. The aesthetics of pain are not limited to tears and frowns. Like that sinking feeling she gets in her chest when she stares at you sometimes. Uncertain if the man she has trusted with her heart is going to handle it with care this time. You reassured her that last time…was the last time…that a time like that would never happen again. But neither of you find enough validity in your monologue to soothe the mutual doubts.

No, you never hit her. You would have to be present to do that, and even when you were, it was like you weren’t. You allowed her to drown in a puddle of loneliness. You deprived her of her sense of intimacy. You didn’t affirm her value. You left her emotionally abandoned. And you made the fatal mistake of not understanding that love is a chemical reaction. A chemical reaction that could trigger cataclysmic consequences from the slightest of deviations.

No, you never hit her. But you took her intuition for jealously. You shamed her for it. You spearheaded every argument. Oh, there were many. You yelled. She screamed.You manipulated her words to such a degree that even she was unsure if her concerns were valid. And then there was nothing. Just silence, as two people who had fallen so beautifully in love stared at one another as if they were strangers of different worlds. Unsure of what to say next. Knowing the next words may be the last words.

She’ll remember you as both a love and a lesson. And every time she meets a guy, she’ll nervously wonder if he is anything like you.

No, you never hit her. But every morning you chose her a little less. Every morning you took her for granted. You began to imagine your life without her. Those thoughts quickly began to manifest into your wildest fantasies. You internalized those thoughts and hid them from your heart. But you couldn’t hide them from her. You needed an out, but didn’t have a reason. So when she failed to maintain your emotional baggage; you selfishly found comfort in another woman.

No, you never hit her. But she’ll have to guard her heart next time. She’ll have to be more cautious. She’ll hate that. Her vulnerability will be a luxury that she can no longer afford. She’ll remember you as a both a love and a lesson. And every time she meets a guy, she’ll nervously wonder if he is anything like you.

But no, you never hit her. You despise the men who raise their hands to strike the women they claim to love. You see, those men are not worthy of a woman’s love, let alone her touch. Hollow men who allow their inadequacies and insecurities to violently ricochet. Leaving remnants of anguish and despair.

This post originally appeared on Terrance’s personal blog on Medium

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