Sometimes you've got to let people fall on their face, scrape their knee, break a few bones, suffer an unrecoverable injury and you not be there to kiss their wounds. Let them nurse their own pain. Survive with no survival kit. And learn even without you they can still find their way. We are our brother's keeper, but we're not our brother's savior.
Nobody's savior.
It's hard to let go of a person you've invested in trying to help, be it a season or a lifetime. We've all been there grappling at the reigns of a burden that was much too difficult to bear. We made it our mission. Listened and nurtured with tenderness. We gave countless solutions, alternative strategies, thrown money at the issue, gave gifts to lessen our inadequacy. Gave vulnerable parts of ourselves hoping that could fill the void. And no matter how much we offered, no matter how much we cared, we couldn't replace the cracks nor be the glue to hold their brokenness together. Because saving is a responsibility we don't have the capacity to handle. Eventually, they will cut you instead.
People have to want to be healed.
It seems to be much easier to focus our attention on fixing other people then to reflect on what's looking at us in the mirror. What would happen if we used our energy in saving others to rescue ourselves? What if the person that's really in danger is you?
You can't fix the past or the future. The time you lost. The time you weren't there. The time you wished someone loved you enough to truly care. You can't save anybody and they can't save you. Not your child, not your pastor, not your wayward sister, brother, cousin, not even your spouse. They may never "get it together" and neither may you. And your helplessness is not hurting anyone. Your helplessness is an indicator that a lifeboat is to come that you can't sail on your own. You must be patient to distinguish when the winds have changed and it's time to step aboard.
Sometimes support looks like putting your life vest on first before assisting others.
Pray and know when it's time to move on. Recognize when loving them is hurting you. Have the courage to live your life and find your own happiness. One day they too will have the audacity to step away from what's hurting them. Resolve in knowing its about you. You can't keep trying to recover that unrecoverable thing.
Dominique Mack (@just_dmack) is a writer, counselor, and advocate whose vision is to help people heal through their own stories. She hails from Brunswick, GA and regularly blogs for those finding their way at: http://www.dominiquemack.com/.