French model Noemie Lenoir has broken her silence on her suicide attempt last May. Lenoir was found unconscious in a forest in La Celle-Saint-Cloud outside Paris after overdosing on drugs and alcohol at the home of her on-again, off-again boyfriend ex-Chelsea football star Claude Makelele. She was in a coma for a week but made a full physical recovery, returning to work one month later.
She recently sat down with the Guardian's Jess Cartner-Morley to talk about what happened and why:
"I did something really, really stupid. I had been living in New York and I moved back to Paris, to try again with the father of my son." Lenoir has a six-year-old son, Kelyan, from her relationship with Makelele. "It was a big change. I wasn't so healthy in Paris... I couldn't find a gym, and exercise is important to me because I am very hyper." According to people close to her, she was also drinking too much at this point. "I came straight from New York to living in Claude's house, and I really wanted it to work, and it didn't work out. He hurt me... so I decided... I don't know how to say this. It was like a bad, bad depression, a very deep depression. I felt really alone."
Lenoir explained that she came to realize that Claude was not the man for her and they'll never be friends. But, she said, he is still a good dad. She added that the most painful part of the entire situation is that one day, her son will find out about all of this:
"People say, 'How could she do it, how could she try and kill herself, didn't she think about her son?' But they don't understand. I love my son so much. But I didn't think I was good enough, I thought I was poison. Poison for me and poison for him. When I was depressed I felt like I was poisoning his life by being in it. I thought he would be better with his dad and my mum to look after him. I didn't realise I was hurting anyone, until I woke up in the hospital and saw my mum crying."
Read the rest at the Guardian.
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Need help? In the U.S., call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255