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Not Again!

Maybe I don't have enough testosterone. But I just don't understand, guys. Why can't you politicians keep your pants zipped up and the head on top of your shoulders in charge?
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Maybe I don't have enough testosterone. Or balls. But I just don't understand, guys. Why can't you politicians keep your pants zipped up and the head on top of your shoulders in charge?

I know, I know. Politics tends to draw a disproportionate number of people who may be narcissistic or power-hungry or both. There's no question that the schmoozing skills required to separate individual and corporate donors from their money during a campaign can be likened to those used in seduction, as can the articulate, and, let's admit it, sexy, charm that inspires voters to cast their ballots your way. But even if the electorate doesn't, you know it's a game -- once you're in office, you really need to be focusing on the job, not the perks.

And, who decided that an edgy sex life should be a perk of the profession anyway? Maybe you misinterpreted the true intent and meaning of "public service." Think of how fortunate you are to have the opportunity to help the neediest in our society live a healthy and productive life. Or if you're a Republican, to have the chance to invest in and promote entrepreneurial ventures and their CEO innovators. Looking in from the outside, I'd guess you could easily put in 15 hour days just doing the work your constituents elected you to do. You chose to take on this mantle -- do the job you promised, and don't blow it.

I'm not going to rehash all the psychological excuses that are often paraded out each time a politico gets caught with his pants down. Frankly, it doesn't matter why you are "driven" to do what you do. My boss doesn't care about my inner angst -- he just expects me to be at the office every day, doing my work in a timely, high quality, and professional manner. And that's what we, the voters, ask of you. We've elected you to serve as inspiring and capable leaders -- you all are supposed to be our crème de la crème. You've disciplined yourselves enough to maintain professional standards through your years of education and paying your professional dues. Surely you can continue to do so once you achieve your ambitions and take your oath of office. If your goal has been to become a political rock star and impose your powers and positions on willing groupies, the deluded, the naïve, and, as we say in French, the réticent, then you're not deserving of the mantle of leadership.

It's not really that hard. If you're married, don't cheat. If you're unhappily married, get a divorce. If you're single, date, and keep your bedroom activity "for your eyes only." The only thing you should be doing on social media is telling your constituents when the next rubber-chicken-and-balloons town hall meeting will be. If you're gay or bi, don't use the closet to undermine gay rights. And, gay or straight, don't turn to professionals in the sex trade. Are you truly that desperate? Whatever your private taste du jour, get consent -- and use a condom. Finally, if you're into the "underage," get help now, because that's not only a shame, it's a crime.

The lust for power and the lust for lust often go hand in hand -- the bedroom is yet another gladiatorial arena in which to unsheath and draw your sword. We get it. But, for the good of their families and our country, it's time for politicians to abandon sexual abandon and instead adopt the War on Drugs' motto "Just Say No." Political success has allowed those in power to act out their fantasies on a grand scale, unchecked by the limitations that most "mortals" face. That drive has left the path before us strewn with the bodies of victims; the injuries on a local as well as on a meta level to our nation and to the world beyond, can be traced to the unleashing of grandiosity unzipped -- no longer kept in check and balance. It's time for our politicians to resist the drug of arrogance and step back from the abyss. Do the job you were elected to do -- and zip it.

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