Ten Things Not To Say After Sex According To 'Lady Chatterley's Lover' (EXCERPT)

10 Things Not To Say After Sex According To 'Lady Chatterley's Lover'

From MUCH ADO ABOUT LOVING by Jack Murnighan and Maura Kelly. Copyright © 2012 by Maura Kelly and Jack Murnighan. Reprinted by permission of Free Press, a division of Simon & Schuster, Inc.

Arm in arm, legs entwined, sweat beading on the marmoreal perfection of the human form, the dance of love just brought to its exquisite denouement, the Marlboro smoked, the snifter sipped dry, and now...

It’s a dangerous time to speak. Post-amour, everyone is vulnerable, the defenses have been laid bare, and any utterance can be taken to have more meaning than intended. How many times have I said some- thing I thought innocent—or even complimentary—only to have it heard by my beloved as something along the lines of “I wish you would turn into a pizza.”

To see how this plays out in literature, we need only turn to one of the saucier of all highbrow novels, Lady Chatterley’s Lover. There’s enough sex in Lawrence’s scandalous masterwork that I could find ten—yes, ten—things said after sex that you really wouldn’t want to say today. Some are said by men, some are said by women, but both sexes should avoid pretty much all of them.

So without further ado, and in the order in which they appear in the book, here they go:

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