NEW YORK (Goodyear Satire Company)--
A slave is replacing a slaveowner on the US $20 bill. Now when we're paid in cash, we get our slave wages along with a picture of an actual slave.
Harriet Tubman, an escaped slave turned Union spy, is replacing former slaveowner Andrew Jackson on the new "jacksons." I doubt anyone will call the double-sawbuck a Tubman, who is Marvel's new overweight superhero. In his first film, he fights colitis.
Jackson, the seventh President, owned up to 300 slaves at his Hermitage Plantation in Tennessee. It's now a fun tourist attraction where the white heirs of the 1 percent can pick real cotton, just as their forebears never did. It takes us back to that storied time and place to which Republicans want to "Take us back." No thanks; I need my daily tall skinny vanilla bean frappuccino from my Target Starbucks.
Speculation had been that a woman would replace Alexander Hamilton on the $10 bill, but Hamilton is now a Broadway star, and Jackson has no current representation. Jackson's most prominent IMDB credit is that he was once featured in a pre-commercial factoid on an episode of "Pawn Stars." (Yes, he did kill a man during a duel.)
Tubman, whose civil-war era Underground Railroad featured a series of tunnels and safe houses used by escaping slaves to resettle to non-slave states and Canada, is credited with freeing up to 100,000 African-Americans so their descendants could die in wars to protect rights they'd never quite managed to enjoy in life. Tubman's work lives on. Unemployed blacks from the gulf states are now stealing up the Underground trail to Canada so they arrive before Donald Trump takes the oath of office.