Holding grudges never used to be the most successful way to earn favor or an invitation. We learn early that it is better to turn the other cheek, let bygones be bygones, that negative energy is a drag, and what goes around comes around, so it is best to release yourself from the grudge and don’t worry, be happy, life is too short to sweat the small stuff.
Sadly, I must admit, I have been a closet “grudgester,” afraid to reveal my dirty secret for fear of becoming a social pariah. I hold grudges when I feel wronged over something I did not start, and this baggage has been weighing me down. Then, November 9, 2016, happened. The world’s greatest “grudgester,” a purveyor of lies and grossly negligent exaggerations became the “Commander-In-Grudge,” who inflamed sullied closet “grudgesters” with their long held grudges, fueling and energizing the “love-to-grudge movement” and emboldened the “Grudge Supremacists” to organize militarized public rallies.
Everywhere folks are taking stock of the many genuine, clever, and awesome array of grudge faces and behaviors our Grudge President can produce. Grudging is so trending bigly on social media and from sea to shining sea in our Disunited States. I too decided to liberate my inner angst and come out of my shadowy little sulking grudge closest. I now feel empowered to mainstream my grudges, lusting for a catharsis and to earn favor and invitations. Here are my choice grudges.
I hold a grudge against Dallas over JFK. I hold a grudge against Los Angeles over Bobby Kennedy. I hold a grudge against Memphis over MLK. I hold a grudge against the South over slavery and racism. I hold a grudge against the military over the Viet Nam War. I hold a grudge against Germany. I hold a grudge against History over its insensitivities. I hold a grudge against J. Edgar Hoover’s FBI over its war against free speech and civil rights. I hold a grudge against McCartney-Lennon over breaking up. I hold a grudge against the Dodgers for moving out of Brooklyn. I hold a grudge against men over women. I hold a grudge against sports over doping and cheating. I hold a grudge against Wall Street over main street. I hold a grudge against special interests over unfair taxation with unfair representation. I hold a grudge against money over it’s corrupting influence. I hold a grudge against televangelists over fleecing their flock. I hold a grudge against Moses over not being Jesus. I hold a grudge against 9/11 conspirators over forever altering our world. I hold a grudge against Bush-Cheney over war and torture. I hold a grudge against Hillary over losing. I hold a grudge against the Republican Party over killing the Supreme Court. I hold a grudge against the Republicans over beating Democrats too much. I hold a grudge against idiots over Donald Trump.
I hold a grudge against Donald Trump for everything that he is, for everything that he represents, and for making it cool to nudge your grudge. I hold a grudge against myself over being a better person before becoming a “grudgester” out of the closet.