Obama to Iran: Abandon Nukes or We Will Defriend You on Facebook

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) - Using his strongest rhetoric to date, President Barack Obama warned Iran today that if it did not abandon its nuclear program the United States would join with other Western nations to defriend Iran on Facebook.

As strongly worded as it was, the defriending threat, delivered in a speech to the Council on Foreign Relations, underscored the limited array of tools available to the President in countering Iran's nuclear ambitions.

"President Obama can and probably will convince other nations to defriend Iran," said one foreign policy insider who attended the President's speech. "Whether or not he can convince them to block Iran remains to be seen."

Blocking Iran on Facebook might be seen as a provocative measure, since it would prevent Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad from playing some of his favorite Facebook games, such as What Anti-Semitic Celebrity Are You?

Elsewhere, many American children will be going as Northwest pilots for Halloween, meaning they will just stay in their rooms and play on their laptops. More here.