Everyone knows a f**kboy. Maybe he's a friend of yours. Or you've heard about one from your friend. You may even have one of them on your call list for those late, lonely nights when you can't help yourself but send that 'you up?' text. Or, if by some crazy possibility, I'm the person to introduce you to this particular breed of gent, you're welcome and well, I'm sorry.
A lot of women have rom-com syndrome. We meet these men who seem flawed in oddly appealing ways. Cocky, handsome (often painfully so) and just the right amount of broken for us to want to fix them. But they're unfixable, or more accurately, don't actually want to be fixed. They're men who are taking advantage of their assets in the only way they know how -- making their way through every woman in the city with little regard for much other than their own satisfaction.
F**kboys come in all shapes and sizes. Old young, it doesn't really matter. They're men who troll the online dating world looking for dates without any intention of actually dating. They'll charm you at first; suck you into their sticky webs. They'll take you on a date or two, hold your hand, tell you the things you want to hear. But when you try to get close, to dive a little deeper, they'll pull back. They'll make you feel clingy or worse, crazy. Make you question yourself. Wonder what you're doing wrong. Why you're not the one capable of changing them or finally focusing that wandering eye of theirs.
But hopefully, after spending time with them, you'll realize it has absolutely nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. They look around and see their friends coupling off, settling down and think they want that. But every time it's presented to them, often on a silver platter, they're forced to come to terms with the fact that committing means giving up their f**kboy status and they really just aren't ready to do that.
The good news is, once you've identified one of these men, you can proceed with the knowledge that you can and should only expect certain behaviors from them. You can compartmentalize them into their nice little 'for fun times only' box, bringing them into your life as needed. It seemed like we members of the dating world had all come to a consensus about this dynamic and were moving on full speed ahead with everyone being the wiser.
Recently however, I encountered a case of one such f**kboy trying to f**k with the system. We'd gone out a bit and after putting me through the above paces, I came to the understanding that he was not boyfriend material much less interested in anything of substance. I commend him for putting that out there early enough to not waste either of our times. However, in the conversation that followed, it became clear that he was interested in continuing to see me with the caveat that I wouldn't see anyone else. Huh? That seems mildly hypocritical I thought to myself and being the IDGAF type of gal I am,I decided to press him on it. So wait, I said, you're not interested in something serious but you're but you are interested in continuing to see me so long as I'm committed to you? Does that apply to you as well, I asked? No, he responded. I don't like thinking about someone I'm seeing, seeing other people. WTF? Calling him out on his hypocrisy, he continued to defend himself saying he didn't see it that way at all. I said I didn't understand and asked him to try to rephrase what he was attempting to say. After he could (obviously) not come up with any response, I politely explained that I was far from interested in any such sort of unbalanced relationship and that I ventured to guess he'd have a hard time finding anyone who would be. At this point, understandably flustered and probably more than a little pissed off on my calling him out on his BS, the conversation ended rather abruptly (not to mention rudely on his behalf.)
Amused by the situation, I brought it up to a girlfriend who shared a similar story of her own. It seems that these men, through some crazy thinking, have come to the conclusion that they are such a prize catch that women would be lucky to date them exclusively while they go around doing whatever they want with whomever they want.
I hope you all agree that this is insane thinking and must be stopped. So to all the f**kboys out there -- and you know who you are -- please do us all a favor and get over yourselves. The only way you can continue to keep the dating world a balanced and harmonious place is by playing by the terms we've all come to agree to. And ladies, do your part in shutting this down before it gains any traction. The f**kboys are only as powerful as we let them be.